


Never Got Over It (Jeremy's Side)

by bakanekofan



Series: Boyf Riends Reunion [1]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Anxiety, Anxious Michael Mell, Childhood Memories, Doubt, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Post-Canon, Recreational Drug Use, Reunions, Twitter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2019-10-14 14:58:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17510807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bakanekofan/pseuds/bakanekofan
Summary: Michael and Jeremy lost touch in college, but are reunited through Twitter. Things are totally different now, but can they manage to find common ground and finally talk about their past and feelings for each other?





	1. Help Me Find My Riend

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Mentions of canonical non-con (the scene with Chloe on Halloween)

It had been about two years since Jeremy graduated college, but outside of his new office, he found he didn’t really have much of a social life. Unfortunately, he had been so consumed with studying in college that he had lost touch with the entire cast of the play, and on top of that, he’d even lost touch with Michael. That was what hurt the most. He still considered the man his best friend in the world, but after several phone changes and a semester abroad, he had no idea how to contact him anymore. That is, until a viral news story popped up on his YouTube homepage of childhood friends being reunited by “Twitter Detectives.” Jeremy had never really used social media, but for Michael, he figured, he could make an exception, so he began his message.

_ Hey #TwitterDetectives I have one for you. I lost touch with my best friend back in college and I’ve been really missing him lately. Any chance you could help me find him? His name is Michael Mell, I’m Jeremy Heere. (He’s the one on the right) 1/2  _

(Included was a photo of Michael and Jeremy at their high school graduation party, throwing their hats)

_ He pretty much saved my life in high school and he means the world to me but I don’t even know where or how he is and I feel awful about it. If it helps, he has a tattoo matching this one on his right arm. Thank you! 2/2 _

Honestly, Jeremy didn’t expect anything to come of his post. It was a long shot to assume that Michael might even use Twitter, let alone that anyone would read his tweet or care… Which is why the following morning, after he’d gotten ready to leave and was checking his personal email from his laptop before leaving for the morning, he was surprised to see the Twitter icon flashing in the tab he’d left open the night prior. Curious, he clicked on it. As it turned out, his tweets had been retweeted several times over and, on scrolling through some of the comments on them, he spotted a familiar face on a profile picture. Immediately, he read the comment attached to it.

_ Aww, does Jewemy miss his Micha? _

Attached was a picture of the tattooed arm beside a bottle of Mountain Dew Red. Yeah, that was Michael. Grinning, he’d been about to respond when a reminder alarm went off on his phone. Cursing, he gathered the rest of his things and went off to work, though Michael hadn’t left his mind the entire time he was there, and when he got home, he immediately sat down to reply to Michael.

_ You ass. How do you private message on here? _

Not five minutes later, Jeremy got a direct message notification from Michael, and was able to figure it out from there.

_ Michael Mell: Right here, dude. Gotta say I was surprised when one of my employees started asking about you out of nowhere. _

_ Jeremy Heere: Employees? Also, what’s with the little check next to your name? I thought only like, celebrities and rich people had those? _

_ Michael Mell: It just means I’m verified, so people aren’t fooled by posers, and yes, employees. You really don’t know? Dude, do a quick Google Search of my name. _

Jeremy did as he was told and was shocked by the results. Evidently, Michael owned his own business- and a rather successful one. He’d started a new gaming console, one Jeremy had actually been looking into buying for quite some time because it sounded awesome but he just didn’t have the space for it in his apartment. The company was called M Red and the console was simply “Red One,” so it wasn’t particularly surprising that Jeremy hadn’t put together who had created it, but now that he knew, he was pretty pissed at himself for not figuring it out on his own or at least googling Michael’s name before taking to Twitter. Remembering that Michael was waiting for a response, Jeremy closed out of that tab and went back to the chat with Michael.

_ Jeremy Heere: What can I say? Congrats, dude! _

_ Michael Mell: Thanks, it’s been pretty crazy. Hey, I’m going to be at Play NYC next week for work. If I send you tickets, you want to meet up? You’re still in Jersey, right? _

_ Jeremy Heere: Yes and yes! But first can I get your number? _

The two exchanged contact information and mutually agreed to save the rest of their conversation for when they were able to see each other in person at Play NYC.

When the end of the following week rolled around and it was time for Jeremy to go to the convention, he was more than a little bit nervous. What would he even wear? His office wasn’t exactly a ‘casual’ work environment, so most of his clothes now consisted of suits and ties, but would Michael even recognize him in that? Plus, it was a gaming convention, he’d stand out like a sore thumb. Going through his closet, he found a bag of clothes he’d meant to donate when he moved in, but apparently he’d never gotten around to it, and inside were all of his old high school clothes. After trying them on, he found that they all still fit, so he put a few outfits together and packed them up to go. Michael had insisted, when Jeremy pointed out that there would be no open hotel rooms so close to the convention, that Jeremy just share his room with him, and honestly, Jeremy wasn’t so sure how he felt about that. It seemed like it would be awkward, as they hadn’t seen each other in so long, but maybe not? Was he overthinking things again?

It was a long Uber ride to the hotel, and when he got there, he found that Michael had actually booked one of the nicest suites in the hotel. It was technically a bridal suite with two bedrooms. The first, obviously, was for the bride, and the other was intended to be a “ready room” for hair and makeup, but it was still fully furnished with a bed for the maid of honor. On a desk near the door, Jeremy found a note scrawled in familiar handwriting.

_ Went early to set up for the panel, make yourself at home. Just don’t get too cozy Sir Jacks-a-Lot. _

Though his face was red, Jeremy couldn’t help the chuckle that bubbled out of him at the nickname. If he’d had any doubts before, there was no denying now that this was his Michael. He checked the time before unloading his suitcase in the maid-of-honor/ready room, hanging his badge around his neck, and going to the convention. The hall was absolutely packed- people everywhere, and it was so loud he couldn’t hear himself think. Being a bit of a theater nerd, Jeremy was used to loud, pushy crowds, but he couldn’t help wondering how Michael was doing. He’d always preferred to keep to himself in a nice quiet corner, even at smaller gatherings. Eventually, thanks to a map, he managed to figure out where he was going and made a beeline straight for Michael’s booth, where the man, easily recognizable even without the familiar patched red hoodie was giving a lecture about the motion control mechanics of his system.

Most of what Michael was saying flew right over Jeremy’s head, but it was so good just to hear his voice again that he really didn’t care. Immediately after Michael wrapped up his speech, before the crowd even had a chance to disperse, the man launched himself over the table and enthusiastically bear-hugged Jeremy, who actually squeaked from surprise and the sheer force of the hug, “It’s been so long!”

“Too long,” Jeremy agreed, eventually relaxing and allowing himself to hug back.

“You eat yet? I didn’t have time this morning and I’ve got a few hours before my next panel.” Michael asked, finally stepping back to get a good look at Jeremy.

Shaking his head, Jeremy said, “Nah, I haven’t eaten. You want to go get something?” So it was decided that the two old friends went to a cafe to eat and catch up. The ride there was eerily quiet, but once they were seated at the cafe, conversation picked up again.

“So, uh… What are you doing these days?” Michael asked awkwardly.

“HR. Really exciting.” Jeremy rolled his eyes, “I don’t love it, but it pays the rent. It’s just been hard making friends, you know? I kinda lost touch with everyone from high school during college, I was so focused on studying.”

“Well good. I’d be pissed if you were still hanging out with Rich but magically lost my number.” Michael teased, “But I know what you mean. I’m pretty much the same way. It’s hard to meet people when you’re always working, and then you get time off and you just want to crash.”

Shrugging, Jeremy agreed, “That and you set the bar pretty high for my best friend standards. You ruined me.”

“Ah, yes. My heroic antics ruined your chance at new friendships.” Michael snorted, “Speaking of, did you like that pic I sent you on Twitter?”

“With the Red? You’re such a dork. And naming your company after it?” Jeremy teased.

Michael grinned, “Yeah. I always keep a bottle around, just in case, you know? Anyway, my partner thought it would be funny, since I carry it around with me even at work, to name everything ‘Red’ so…”

Jeremy tipped his head to the side, “Partner?” There might have been a twinge of jealousy there, but he was telling himself it was because Michael hadn’t mentioned it, and it was weird to him that he didn’t know about it.

“Hm?” Noticing the odd look on Jeremy’s face, Michael quickly corrected,  _ “Business _ partner, Jer. Don’t worry, I’m still forever alone.” He flashed a sad smile, “Yeah, we met in college and I started talking about what I wanted to do. He’s a business major so he runs that end and I run the fun side of game and system development and design. It’s funny, though, of the two of us, he’s the one that has all the fun outside of work.”

Though he kicked himself for his own emotions, Jeremy was, for some inexplicable reason, relieved that Michael was still single. Maybe because it helped them relate and reconnect better? Yeah, that had to be it. “Yeah, me too. Christine and I mutually broke it off like a month in to college, I don’t know if you remember. We didn’t like the long distance thing and it was just too hard to focus on school and a serious relationship at the same time.”

“No, I don’t remember you calling me sobbing at three in the goddamn morning the day before my first exam.” Michael deadpanned, though he laughed when Jeremy squirmed with a quietly mumbled apology, “It’s all good, dude. I got some extra studying in that helped me pass it. You never reconnected with her though, huh? That’s a shame.”

With a slight shrug, Jeremy replied, “I guess, but I don’t think it would have worked with her anyway, you know? I just got too nervous around her and looking back I think it might have been more me lusting after her than actual love. I mean, I can’t remember anything about her personality other than she liked theater, but I can still remember what she looked like.”

“Well, maybe it’s for the best, then.” Michael concurred, sipping on his milkshake which had evidently arrived while Jeremy hadn’t been paying attention. “You ever try like dating sites?”

“Did you?” Jeremy countered.

“Fair point, but I have a reason not to. People would recognize me and try to get with me for money and status.” Michael pointed out, then sighed and lowered his gaze, “Besides, I don’t think I’ll ever find anyone who actually wants to be with me.”

Jeremy frowned at this, “What? Why not? What’s not to love about you?”

Shifting uncomfortably, Michael said, “I’m just really particular about what I want, you know? And finding someone who fits that description and also actually wants to be with me just… I don’t think it’s going to happen. And yeah, I know I could lower expectations, but I don’t want to. I know there are people like that that exist, it’s just a matter of them being interested in me that’s the problem.”

“Did you just admit to having a crush?” Jeremy asked curiously.

Then something rare happened. It had never been unusual for Jeremy to stammer and stutter, especially when nervous, but Michael almost never did, and yet… “I.. uh… I-I mean… I might have? At one point, there was this guy I really liked, but he never saw me that way. We were super close and liked all the same things and just really connected… Got matching tattoos.” If Jeremy had been paying more attention to Michael’s movements rather than just the words coming out of his mouth and how jealous he was of whoever this guy was Michael must have met in college, he would have noticed the way Michael was rubbing his right forearm over the Pac-Man tattoo. “Anyway, we had a falling out and things were never really the same after that. He said some pretty hurtful things and I know he didn’t mean it, but he never really apologized for it or anything, and then we lost touch. He was always oblivious to my feelings and had this crush on some girl, so I never explicitly told him I liked him.”

“Sounds to me like you need to raise your standards rather than lower them.” Jeremy mumbled, “I mean, if you guys were that close and he didn’t even properly apologize for making you feel bad or stop to notice or care that you liked him that way? You deserve better, Michael.”

“I don’t want better! I want- … him.” Michael hung his head, taking several deep breaths to calm himself before pushing himself to his feet, “I’m sorry, Jeremy. I can’t do this right now. I really thought things would be different, but… I can’t… I’m sorry.” Before Jeremy had a chance to react, Michael was gone. He’d run out of the diner, leaving a fifty on the table to cover the tab for the food he hadn’t touched and the milkshake he’d only had a few sips of.

Utterly confused by the sudden shift in events, Jeremy finished eating, got a box for Michael’s food, brought the box back to the hotel where he put it in the refrigerator, and was about to walk out the door when he bumped into someone who had apparently been about to knock. The man was short, stocky, and sweaty, wearing a convention tag that read ‘Tyler Moore’ with the M Red logo. He looked Jeremy over skeptically before asking, “Is Michael there?”

“No?” Jeremy replied, confused.

“I told him he’d better not leave me to run the panel by myself, and what does he do? That man can be so flighty, I swear.” Tyler sighed, pulling out his phone, “He’s probably off getting stoned somewhere.” Realizing, then, that he hadn’t introduced himself, the man stuck out his hand, “Jeremy, right? I’m Tyler, co-founder and CEO of M Red.”

“Oh! Uh, nice to meet you.” Jeremy shook the stranger’s hand hesitantly, not entirely sure how he knew his name.

“He left with you, right? Any idea where he might have gone?” Tyler questioned.

Shaking his head, Jeremy confessed, “No, he got upset for some reason and just ran off. I don’t even know what I did wrong.”

“What you did…” Tyler laughed, combing a hair back through his perfectly greased up hair, “You want to know what you did wrong? I can probably answer that one for you. As his business partner, Michael and I have been through hell and back together. From getting our startup loan to failed product tests, copyright and trademark infringements, and everything in between, we’ve had each other’s backs through it all, so when he needs someone to talk to, he always comes to me because he knows he can trust me. He doesn’t tell me everything, but he’s said enough for me to understand. You know how I recognized you, Jeremy? Because he has pictures of the two of you all over his office. On his desk,  _ in  _ his desk, on the walls… Every device he owns has a different background of the two of you. It’s a running joke around the office that he doesn’t need to label his laptops because he can identify which one he’s using by which picture of you is in the background. I asked him, not long after we met, why he has so many pictures of you around and he got this real sad look and just said ‘memories.’ I asked him if they were good ones and he never really answered, just said, ‘You never forget your first love.’ Well, come to spend more time together and he gets to talking about you sometimes, and I don’t really know the details of what happened, but apparently you were always totally oblivious to his feelings and at some point in high school you really hurt him and never apologized for it or anything. When he found out you were looking for him on Twitter he got so excited because he finally had a chance to reconnect with you, and judging by that stupid look on your face, he did exactly what I told him not to do. I told him to be up front with you and tell you how he felt, but he said he couldn’t do that, that he’d just be happy to have you back in his life as a friend. That he didn’t want to make things awkward for you and that you probably already had someone anyway. So as for what you did?”

“I was the same as always. I didn’t even realize… He was talking about me.” Jeremy’s hands had, at some point during Tyler’s rambling, balled into fists. He wasn’t angry with Michael, but rather himself, for not realizing, and no, he hadn’t properly apologized for everything that had happened with the Squip. “God, I’m such an idiot!”

Nodding in agreement, Tyler said, “Probably why he likes you so much, honestly. You’re both idiots. Anyway, I’m going to go see if I can find him and talk some sense into him.” With this, he scuttled off, leaving Jeremy to his own devices. Going back into the room and closing the door, Jeremy wandered into the bride’s room- Michael’s room- and, maybe being a bit nosey, opened the man’s suitcase. A picture was taped to the inside of the top of it of him and Michael as kids, just as Tyler had said he had decorating his office. Jeremy let the suitcase fall closed again and backed away, going to his own room.

Lying on the bed, he focused on his memories of Michael, pouring over every word spoken between them, every moment it was just the two of them, waking up after sleepovers where they’d shared a bed to find Michael pretending to wake up snuggled up against Jeremy. Michael had never been the best actor. The look on Michael’s face every time he talked about Christine… How had he not noticed before? But… what should Jeremy even do with this information? He didn’t like Michael that way, right? Sure, he loved him, but in a best friends/no-homo way… Right? But then why had he gotten so jealous when he thought Michael had a crush on someone else in college? Or when he assumed the word ‘partner’ meant ‘lover?’ Why was he so desperate to see Michael over everyone else in his past, even Christine? She was his girlfriend, surely he should have reached out to her first… But he didn’t. And who was the first person he thought of when he realized the Squip was wrong? Michael. Who was his favorite person since his earliest memories? Michael. Not even Christine came close to touching that title. Who was the only one he wanted to be tied to so permanently that he got a matching tattoo with him? God, was he really in love with Michael? How long had he been without even being aware of it?

Though Jeremy opted not to go back to the convention for the remainder of the day, he was left with no choice but to face the music when Michael returned to their room late that evening. Sighing heavily, Jeremy got off his bed when he heard the door of the suite close and made his way out to the common area. “Michael?”

Michael jumped slightly before plastering what had to be the most fake smile Jeremy had ever seen on his face and turning toward him, “Hey, Jeremy. Missed you at the con today.”

“You ran away from me.” Jeremy reminded, “Your lunch is in the fridge, by the way.”

“Oh, uh… thanks.” Michael said awkwardly.

Jeremy placed himself between the door and Michael to prevent him from running off again before starting, “About earlier…”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Michael said stiffly, “I’m sorry I ran off, but just… Forget about it. It’s not important, I was overreacting and I just want to chill like we used to, okay?”

“Well I want to talk about it.” Jeremy defended, folding his arms over his chest.

Michael stood and started making his way to the door, but Jeremy didn’t budge, “Come on, man. Just drop it. I need a joint.”

“You’re not running away from me again.” Jeremy argued, “We need to talk about this.”

“Or you’ll what?” Michael asked, and Jeremy easily recognized the parallels in the situation.

Ignoring the chill that ran down his spine, Jeremy replied, “Or I’ll cry.”

Michael scoffed, “As if. You’d never cry over me.”

That stung more than Jeremy would like to admit, “I’ve done it before.” He said quietly. Michael raised a questioning eyebrow, which encouraged him to continue. “That night… Halloween. You have no idea how bad I felt about that. How many nights I stayed up crying with that stupid fucking Tic-Tac electrocuting me for caring enough to show any emotion about it at all, telling me I didn’t deserve to have you in my life, but then contradicting itself saying I could do better and would make better friends who actually cared about me, that you only ever cared about yourself and what you stood to gain out of situations, how hard I fought to remember all of the good things about you because it would only let me remember the indifference- you have  _ no _ idea, Michael.”

The pain in Michael’s expression, the tears welling up in his eyes- the ones Jeremy could feel pricking at the corners of his own eyes- “I don’t. You’re right.” Michael said quietly.

“You’re right. I never did apologize to you properly because I never really knew how to. I was honestly afraid to even bring it up because I knew how bad I hurt you and I didn’t want you to have to relive it all. You’ve suffered enough because of me, and I didn’t- and don’t- want to make it worse… Maybe that’s subconsciously part of the reason we lost touch in college. Maybe some selfless part of my brain was trying to save you from me, because what I said was true, too. You deserve so much better, Micha, so much more. One day you’ll understand that. One day you’ll meet some lucky guy who-”

“You fucking idiot!” Michael hissed, and Jeremy actually flinched from the force of it as he had never heard Michael so angry, “I don’t want ‘better,’ I don’t want ‘more,’ I want my Player Two. It’s always been you, Jeremy. And I know you don’t-” He took a steadying breath, “I know you don’t see me like that, ‘n I’m sorry if it makes you feel weird or awkward or whatever, I just… I can’t see myself with anyone else, now or ever, really.” A silence fell between them that evidently stretched on just a bit too long for Michael, who felt the need to fill it, “I mean- I just… Jeremy, please say something, you’re really starting to freak me out and I can’t lose you again, I just got you back and-”

“Michael!” Jeremy interrupted, bringing his hands up to Michael’s shoulders, “Stop. I’m not going anywhere. Breathe.” Doing as he was told, Michael took several deep breaths, in, out, in, out, as Jeremy finally began to talk again, “I didn’t mean to scare you, I was just thinking… Why don’t I get a say in what I want?”

Michael met Jeremy’s gaze, and the mix of emotion that washed over his face over the span of the next twenty seconds was almost too difficult for Jeremy to keep up with. First confusion, then realization, then a certain darkness Jeremy had only ever seen once on that face before: despair. Michael brushed his hands off and turned away, “I don’t want pity, Heere.”

Jeremy winced at the use of his last name, but more than that… “I really have been a shitty best friend, huh? I mean, that you think I’d, what, pity date you knowing you’ve been pining after me for so long?”

Glancing over his shoulder guiltily, Michael started, “Jer-”

“No, no. Don’t, I have been, I know I have. Not all of it was the Squip. I said some pretty shit things to you when it was off and even before then, just the fact that I thought I needed one, that somehow my best friend, the one who had been there for me through everything for as long as I can remember, my favorite person in the world wasn’t enough for me. That I needed some girl on my arm and more friends, to be cool… And I didn’t care what I had to do to get that, who got hurt in the process.” Jeremy rubbed his arm awkwardly, gaze downcast, as Michael turned to face him fully again, “I’m sorry, Michael. I really am, and I know sorry doesn’t make it right, I can’t go back and change what happened, and I wish I could say I never meant to hurt you, but… I think we both know that’s not true.” He took a shaky breath, “When I came back here looking for you… I’d been about to leave to go back to the con when I ran into someone at the door. He introduced himself as Tyler Moore, CEO and co-founder of your company.” Michael visibly stiffened, “I don’t think I would have figured it out if he didn’t show up. I would have just let it go when you asked because all I wanted when I came up here was my best friend back.”

“What… What did he say?” Michael asked, swallowing hard.

“A lot. We had a good talk. He asked me if I knew where you were and I told him I didn’t know what I did wrong, so he… enlightened me. Made me realize that the one you’d been talking about earlier… That was me, wasn’t it? All this time, that was me. I spent the whole rest of the day here by myself, trying to figure out what to even do with that information. If I should just play dumb and act as ignorant as ever around you. I poured over everything in our past. All those sleepovers I’d wake up to you fake-sleeping with your arms around me, and I knew you were faking because I could see you smiling, but I never tried to move you, and you’d pretend to wake up and go on like everything was normal. The face you made any time I talked about Christine. You got this weird expression I just couldn’t place because I’d never seen you make it before, this sad little half-smile. I know what it was now. Acceptance. You were trying to tell yourself that it was enough, that you needed to be happy and supportive.” Finally deeming it safe to move away from the door, Jeremy made his way over to the couch in the sitting area and lowered himself onto it, a bit surprised when Michael joined him, but the act gave him the confidence he needed to finish what he was trying to say.

“I also thought about my own feelings. Like, yeah, I can’t believe I never noticed yours, but… I think I was just as oblivious about myself.” Michael appeared confused, and Jeremy smiled, “I told you earlier I never got back in touch with Christine? I probably could have. I could have found her the same way I found you. She’s my ex girlfriend, and it’s not like we broke up on bad terms or anything, maybe there was still a chance things could have worked for us. Who knows? But when I saw that Twitter Detective story, the only one I thought of was you. How badly I wanted to see you again. And you talking about your partner? I was pissed. I just assumed you meant lover and I got so mad. I told myself at the time it was because you were my best friend, and you should have told me, but even that rationalization is illogical because we hadn’t been in touch. You talking about what I thought was some guy you met in college, getting a tattoo with him, that was supposed to be  _ our _ thing. Speaking of, best friends don’t get matching tattoos. That’s literally not a thing that happens. The only thing missing is little hearts, some sappy quote, and our names on it, but, God, do you even remember? I was the one who suggested it!”

“Of course I remember!” Michael defended immediately, “Fifteen, sitting in my basement just starting to come down from our first high and I was rambling on about some guy I knew from the internet who did tatts on teens in the back of his shop and you just blurted out ‘We should do that! Matching tattoos, best friends forever! You’re never getting rid of me.’ I mean, obviously we didn’t do it right then, but once both of us had sobered up enough to think clearly, we went through with it anyway.”

Jeremy smiled, “Yeah. I cried the whole time. It’s a miracle I was able to keep still enough for it to come out okay.” He took another breath, “But that’s not it, either. I don’t think I ever told you about this, but the play-” He could see Michael tense up at the word out of the corner of his eye, “-Part of the reason I was so happy to see you is what happened before you got there. I’d tried to give Christine a Squip and her response really resonated with me, made me rethink everything. Made me regret ever getting a Squip… And I was trying to think of ways to fight back, to turn it off, and I remembered Rich at Halloween, screaming about Mountain Dew Red. I realized that was the key, and at that point, I could have gone looking for Christine for help, I could even have gone to see Rich in the hospital, but I knew there was only one person who could save me. Only one person who cared enough about me to drop everything and do anything for me… I didn’t even know if you’d answer, but I tried to call you.”

“From the play?” Michael asked, confused.

Jeremy nodded, “I pulled out my phone and started frantically trying to bring up your number but the Squip shut down my phone and made me drop it, but I guess it had to use so much energy doing that that it couldn’t block you from my field of vision anymore, because then you came in and I could have cried. It was like you knew, like you somehow sensed that I was in distress and came running to save me.”

Michael chuckled, “I’m not that heroic.” He fidgeted with the strings of his hoodie, “Your dad came over earlier that day. I had given up hope, was getting high and burning old keepsakes, memories of you, on my front porch. He convinced me to go back and try one more time. We made a deal. I’d try harder to be your friend if he tried harder to be your dad.”

Blinking in astonishment, Jeremy demanded,  _ “That’s _ why he started wearing pants?! Why he even bothered to go to the hospital? That was all you?!”

Nodding, Michael shrugged, “It was no big deal, and I already had the Dew at that point. I got it before Halloween, just… you didn’t want it at the time. But go back to what you were saying. Where are you going with this?”

“R-right.” Jeremy combed his hair back, “Well, I… I was thinking about all of this all day and trying to figure myself out, and I think I found the answer. Maybe one I was too afraid to find before and actively rejected. I do think I like you, Michael, and I probably have for a long time, I just figured that the feelings I had for you were friendly because I had nothing to compare it to, no other friends, and even if I had, I still would have said it was because you were my best friend. And it’s not- it’s not pity, I swear it’s not. I may have been a complete ass to you in high school, but please believe I wouldn’t screw with your head like that.”

Michael seemed to consider this for a moment, appearing almost confused until his expression suddenly changed, like it all fell into place, and he lowered his head as well as his voice, “I think you should go.”

Then it was Jeremy’s turn to be confused, “I… what? Michael?”

“You heard me. I hate to do this, but I need to put my own sanity first for once. I’ve been through enough emotional turmoil at your hands for one lifetime, and I can’t… Jeremy, I can’t. Maybe if you were saying this when we were younger, before the Squip, I would have gone along with it, but I need to start looking out for me, too. I can’t make my life all about you anymore. I’ve got this business to run and there’s still so much more I want to do with it, see it grow and evolve and… If I let myself go along with this, I know how it’s going to end. It’ll be the death of M Red and the death of me.” Michael’s voice was breaking, and Jeremy really didn’t understand why. What he could possibly be so upset about, but then he finally said, “Go home and find someone else to experiment with. I can’t be that guy right now.”

Without meaning to, a laugh erupted from Jeremy, catching Michael’s attention immediately as his head shot up to glare at him, “No- no, Michael, I didn’t- it’s not funny, just…” Jeremy shook his head, trying to calm down, “That was never part of this equation. I’m past that part. I… In college, I started getting bored of the same old porn, so I branched out. Didn’t take long to figure out I’m bi, at the very least. I didn’t tell you about it because we had already fallen out of touch and it didn’t seem important to bring up at lunch this morning. It’s just… It’s funny in a sad sort of way that you’ve come to expect so little of me. That I’d use you like that. No, that wasn’t what I was suggesting, and not ‘friends with benefits’ either. I don’t even know if I’ll ever be ready for benefits with anyone after… after what happened, but-”

Michael furrowed his brow, “No, no, you don’t get to just let that go. What happened?”

“I really don’t want to talk about it.” Jeremy tried, looking to Michael pleadingly, but when Michael held firm, he sighed and relented, “I guess you deserve to hear about it. Halloween junior year. There’s a reason I went running into the bathroom all breathless and freaking out. So, from the beginning? I was late getting there, Brooke invited me- we were dating at the time, and she wandered off to get me a drink. While she was gone, Chloe came over and said Brooke had a surprise for me and to follow her. I didn’t think it was weird because they were best friends, so I went along. She took me to Jake’s parents room and Brooke wasn’t there. That’s about the time I started getting suspicious. She told me Brooke wasn’t coming and pushed me down on the bed, started kissing me and trying to undress me and I tried to get away but the Squip wouldn’t let me get up and then she made me drink from her bottle, but it had alcohol in it and it messed up the Squip. Next thing I know Brooke and Jake are knocking at the door and then Jake comes in through the window because Chloe was making it sound like we were having sex and FINALLY the Squip turned off. I was able to get away while Chloe was arguing with Jake and I ran to the bathroom and you were there and I felt so much better just knowing you were there until you brought up the reason.” He took a shaky breath, “I just… I felt so weak and helpless, and I feel stupid talking about it, like it shouldn’t bother me that much-”

“No, Jeremy.” Michael soothed, bringing a hand up to Jeremy’s shoulder and squeezing gently, “It’s not stupid. Chloe had no right to do that, and the Squip made it a million times worse not letting you get away.”

“Whenever…” Jeremy leaned into Michael’s touch, trying to ground himself with the feeling, and Michael responded by pulling him into a hug. Jeremy buried his face in that familiar red hoodie. It smelled just like he remembered. “Whenever things got heated with Christine, I always had to run away. She never knew why, and I could see it was upsetting her, but I just couldn’t tell her. I haven’t really had any relationships with anyone but my right hand since then, but I’m probably no better off now than I was then if it’s still this hard to even just talk about.”

Michael carded his fingers through Jeremy’s hair, silent but patient as he waited for Jeremy’s breathing to even out again. It was Jeremy who broke the silence, though, “My point is… That’s not what I’m looking for. It’s not experimentation, it’s not about sex, it’s just you, Michael. I want… I want to be able to hold you and kiss you and call you my boyfriend and do all the sweet sappy things we used to make fun of other couples for doing.” Michael snorted at this, but Jeremy looked up at him and said, “I wanna dance with somebody.”

Michael’s expression lit up with recognition as he finished, “Somebody who loves me.” He leaned his forehead against Jeremy’s, taking several steadying breaths before finally saying, “It’s a bad idea.”

Jeremy pulled away from him, “You’re seriously still doubting me?” He asked, trying to keep the hurt out of his tone and off his face but failing miserably.

“No, not doubt.” Michael said softly, “It’s just… You said the reason you and Christine broke up was distance, right? I live on the other side of the country now, Jer, and I can’t move. The studio, all my employees and equipment I’d either have to replace or relocate, not to mention talking Tyler into it…”

“So I’ll come to you.” Jeremy suggested, “I mean, it can’t be that hard to find an HR gig in California, right?”

“You can’t just pack up and leave everything for me.” Michael protested, “What about your dad? I know first hand how hard it was leaving my moms behind and you may hate New Jersey now, but there’s something about the familiarity of knowing where everything is that you’ll never get again once you leave.”

Jeremy shook his head, “I did a semester abroad, not to mention I went to college in the city, I know what it’s like to live away from home.” With a soft smile, he added, “Besides, if the reason I’m staying is familiarity, then that’s all the more reason to go. You’re not there, and there’s nothing more comforting and familiar than just having you near me.”

The words immediately brought tears to Michael’s eyes and for a second, Jeremy thought he had said something wrong, but then Michael said, “You gotta stop saying things like that. You have no idea what that does to me. You’re so sweet… Jeremy…” He threw his arms around Jeremy again, hugging him tight for a moment so brief that Jeremy didn’t even have the chance to hug back before Michael pulled away again to rub the tears away and say excitedly, “You can stay with me! I was thinking of getting a roommate anyway ‘cause I get so lonely, and- and hey! We don’t even HAVE an HR department yet, you can run it! Tyler and I have been running ourselves ragged doing all that shit on our own, and you could help with product testing, it’d be awesome! We can play together like old times but get paid to do it! Well, I mean, I’d be the one paying myself, but-” Realizing that Jeremy wasn’t responding, Michael stopped himself and wrinkled his nose, “Too soon? Slow down, right?”

Jeremy shook his head, smiling, “No, it’s just… really good to see you this excited about something. But if you’re actually making me a serious job offer, shouldn’t you be running this by Tyler first? Like, shouldn’t there be an interview?”

“Okay, you’re right. Interview.” Michael straightened himself up and said in the most professional manner he could muster, “Okay, Mr. Heere, I’ve been over your resume, and it’s quite impressive, but I’m going to need to make sure you don’t just look good on paper. So we’re going to do a little role-playing exercise.” At that point, Jeremy was wondering why Michael even needed him to run HR, he seemed pretty damn good at it. After Jeremy nodded his consent, Michael broke character, his face breaking out in a grin as he said, “Okay. I’m your boyfriend and I want a kiss.”

“You can’t roleplay reality, Michael.” Jeremy protested.

“Is it reality?” Michael questioned, and the slight inflection of doubt in his tone was all the push Jeremy needed. He closed the gap between them, kissing Michael sweetly.

Pulling back, Jeremy said softly, “It is now. Did I get the job?” With a face-splitting grin, Michael nodded, “Which one?”

“Both.” 


	2. Unexpected Reaction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy and Michael get a chance to sit down and talk to Tyler and it goes a bit unexpectedly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we are again. It's always such a pleasure. Remember when I tried to kill you twice? (Portal 2 reference for those of you who didn't catch it)
> 
> Anyway, so uh... I don't know why this happened like it did, but it's starting to look like there might be more chapters than anticipated? Maybe. I don't plan on dragging it out forever, but I felt good about where I left off with this chapter and it was getting a bit lengthy so I decided to end where I did and there's still more I want to do between now and where I want to end it, just this chapter got out of hand because Tyler wound up being different than I expected.
> 
> One thing you should know going into this chapter though is that while I know it's technically canon that Michael has two moms, I don't headcanon that way. My headcanon is that his dad joined the military when Michael was young and was killed in action, and that his mom blames herself because she's a lot like Jeremy where if things are stagnant for too long, she feels like she needs something new, so she was pretty much the one who pushed him to enlist because they thought maybe if they spent time apart, their time together would be more special. Thing is, there's got to be a balance, right? You can't have ALL LGBT characters. Not everyone in the world IS. There are cis hetero people. There are LGBT people. It's not all one or the other and to write as if that were the case is distorting reality and, in my opinion, makes it seem like LGBT and cis/het people can't exist in the same universe. We're all people, we all share spacetime, and if fiction reflects that, who knows, maybe it will start to echo in reality too. Thanks for listening to my Ted-X talk, be sure to like and subscribe and hit the bell for notifications. *eyeroll*

The boys stayed up for about an hour longer just talking, catching up on their lives- mostly, it was Michael telling Jeremy about his new life as a console designer and game developer- before Michael finally suggested getting sleep for the convention. Jeremy had agreed that this was a good idea and lightly kissed Michael’s cheek before heading off to his room. He didn’t make it far, however, before the man called his name. “Jeremy?” It was amazing to Jeremy how much emotion Michael could manage to fit into a single word. Disappointment, worry, sadness, hope? How could he manage to convey all of that simply by calling his name?

More importantly, however, he already knew what Michael was going to ask. He was going to ask Jeremy to sleep with him, and he really wasn’t sure if he was ready for that. Sure, they’d shared a bed during sleepovers plenty growing up, and it wasn’t really Michael that he was worried about, but himself. He’d been making more of an effort to not jerk off on a daily basis for the past year or so as he, like Michael, had been considering getting a roommate and didn’t want to have to deal with the repercussions of being walked in on, and, thinking that if he got his body used to not getting off every day, maybe it would be less of an issue. Unfortunately, part of that meant getting frequent, and often painful, morning wood, and on top of that, he was often woken in the night by nightmares about the Squip. Still, he looked over his shoulder to Michael and asked, “Yeah?”

“You know, if you want… I’m pretty sure my bed’s big enough for both of us.” Michael tried, and already Jeremy’s mind was going exactly where he didn’t need it to be going right then. Feeling his cheeks grow warm, he turned away, and apparently Michael was worried he was taking things too fast with the suggestion because he blurted out, “No pressure! I don’t mean it like that, just sleeping, right? Maybe a little cuddling, that’s all. Nothing we haven’t done before, okay? And you don’t have to if you don’t-”

Unable to take Michael being anxious any longer, Jeremy interrupted, without turning around, “Just let me change first, okay?”

“Yeah, okay… Me too, then.” Michael replied, and while Michael went into his room to change, Jeremy went to his own, though he took some extra time while ‘brushing his teeth’ to make and attempt to at least prevent one of the problems from (quite literally) arising in the night.

By the time he got into Michael’s room, it appeared as though the other was already fast asleep. He pulled the blankets back as gently as he could and slid in beside Michael, immediately snuggling up against him, though he wasn’t quite sure where to put his hands. One was pinned under his pillow, but the other… He wanted to rest it on Michael’s chest, but that would wake him up, wouldn’t it? And what if it freaked him out, or gave him the wrong impression, or what if- he nearly jumped out of bed from shock when Michael’s hand came to rest over his own, pushing it down onto his chest, his other arm snaking around Jeremy’s waist, though blessedly, it simply rested there. Jeremy peered up at Michael and the man murmured, “Shh,” as he kissed his forehead, “Stop thinking so loud and just sleep.”

“S-sorry…” Jeremy mumbled in response, though sleep felt a long way off. He was genuinely terrified of this new page they were turning in their relationship, because he was convinced he was going to fuck it up. He knew Michael loved him, but what if it was just like his own feelings had been for Christine? They’d been apart for so long, maybe he didn’t really remember Jeremy properly, or maybe Jeremy himself had changed somehow and now Michael was holding him to standards he no longer fit.

Evidently, Michael noticed, because after a time, he rolled onto his side to face Jeremy and asked, “Alright, what’s wrong?”

Wincing, Jeremy said hurriedly, “Nothing! Really, it’s not a big deal, we can sleep-”

“It’s a big deal if you’re still freaking out about it this much.” Michael interrupted, and Jeremy was a bit confused as to how his half-asleep boyfriend had managed to pick up on such a thing, but he didn’t question it. “Come on, talk to me.”

Sighing, Jeremy said, “It’s stupid. It’s just… I’m scared, Michael. I’m scared I’m going to fuck things up again and lose you for good, that you’ll get sick of me or-”

“That  _ is _ pretty stupid, Jer.” Michael cut in with a chuckle, pulling Jeremy tighter up against his chest. “It’s been six years since the last time I saw your face before today and that whole time, all I wanted was this. To just be able to hold you and kiss you, Jeremy, I’m not going to get sick of you. I know you inside and out better than anyone.”

Frustrated that Michael wasn’t taking the conversation as seriously as Jeremy felt it was, he pushed away from him slightly, countering, “But that’s just it. You’ve had me on a pedestal for so long, and I don’t really feel like I have, but what if I’ve changed since then? What if I’m not who you remember me to be?”

Shaking his head, Michael corrected, “I’ve never put you on a pedestal. I’ve always seen you for who you are. You’re not perfect, you’ve never been perfect, and you never will be, but neither am I. I’m not looking for perfect, I never wanted perfect, I just want you to be yourself, okay? There’s no way you’ve changed so much in six years that I won’t still love you.” God, if Michael didn’t know exactly what Jeremy needed to hear. How was he always so good at this? How did he always find the right things to say? Of course, the last thing he tried to say soured Jeremy’s mood in an instant. “Only thing that could do that is-”

The Squip, of course. Michael hadn’t needed to finish his thought. The moment he started talking about change the bastard computer pill had come to mind. Not wanting to hear the name of it spoken aloud, he cut in before Michael could finish, “I didn’t take another one. I still sometimes hear it, but it’s far away, and I can tune it out. It never fully went away, but it doesn’t control me anymore.” He left out the nightmares, hoping like hell he wouldn’t experience one of those once he finally did manage to fall asleep.

Jeremy barely caught sight of a frown on Michael’s face before he leaned in and kissed Jeremy’s forehead, squeezing him tighter, “I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t bother me anymore, it’s alright.” Jeremy assured him, closing his eyes as he tried to bring the conversation back to his concerns,  “I just don’t want to lose you again. Historically speaking, I’m pretty good at fucking everything up, especially where relationships are concerned. You, my mom, Brooke, Christine…”

Scoffing, Michael said, “Your mom wasn’t worth it. She’s the one who left, she’s the one who never kept in touch, she’s the one who used to get so pissed at you for things beyond your control. That’s on her, not you. As for me? You’re not going to lose me, Jeremy. I don’t think you could if you tried, if what happened back then is any indication.” Jeremy gave a noncommittal hum in response. “I know you don’t believe me now, but time will prove it.” Michael said sweetly, “For now, just sleep. We’ll work everything else out when we get there.”

Not long after this, both boys fell asleep, though they were pulled from said sleep bright and early in the morning by Michael’s phone ringing. Jeremy didn’t move a muscle when he woke, instead remaining exactly where he’d been left, shaking like a leaf. He didn’t hear Michael’s phone conversation, all he could hear was the Squip’s voice in his head, echoing threats and warnings of how he would never be enough, playing on his fears. It wasn’t until Michael touched his shoulder that Jeremy finally managed to snap out of it, jerking a bit as he did, which caused Michael to retract his hand. “You alright, Jeremy?”

“I… sorry.” Jeremy mumbled, feeling awful that he’d probably just made Michael worried he was having second thoughts, which further drove into the Squip’s narrative. Averting his gaze, he concocted the most convincing lie he could manage on a short notice, not wanting to worry him further, “I just… Freaked out a little, I guess. I kinda forgot what happened yesterday for a second and just got scared. I’m fine.”

It seemed to have worked, because Michael changed the subject to ask, “Well, that was Tyler. He wants to meet for breakfast before the panels start. You wanna come so I can actually introduce you?”

That wasn’t something Jeremy was particularly looking forward to, seeing Tyler again. He had the distinct feeling the man didn’t like him much, and he needed time to collect his thoughts. “Sure, as long as we have time to shower first?”

Michael snorted and replied, “I insist on it. I’ve got enough things on my mind when I’m running panels, I don’t need to add ‘looks like shit’ to that list.”

“You don’t look like shit, just…” Jeremy wrinkled his nose then, catching a whiff of Michael, who, he now realized, had apparently been a bit too warm in the night because he did seem a bit sweaty, “You just smell like it.”

“Well thanks.” Michael laughed, throwing a pillow at Jeremy’s head, and for a fraction of a second, everything that had been swirling in Jeremy’s mind stopped. For just a moment, they were kids again, having a pillowfight at a sleepover and nothing could possibly go wrong. Nothing could touch them. Then Michael stood up and walked off, presumably to shower, and the moment was lost. Jeremy would have preferred to stay that way a while longer, but he forced himself to get up and get ready for the day.

On the way to wherever Michael and Tyler had decided to meet for breakfast, Jeremy asked, “How are you doing all this, Micha? I mean, no offense, but you weren’t exactly great when the spotlight turned on you.” It was something he’d been curious about since discovering Michael’s career. How had he managed to get himself together enough to pull off conventions and such?

The answer was nearly immediate, “Tyler. I wouldn’t be able to do anything without him. He tried to talk me out of coming to Play NYC actually. Initially, we’d turned them down, but when I saw your Twitter thread, I had to come up with an excuse to be closer to you so we could catch up. He didn’t want us to go because he knows how hard it is on me. After our first con, when we were first promoting the Red One, I told him I was never doing another con again, it was so bad. Five panic attacks in three days and I didn’t even show up to half the panels we were supposed to host together. But he’s gotten really good at reading me. He knows what I need, when I need it, sometimes even before I do, and always comes prepared.” A plastic, lime green ball with parallel holes the diameter of pencils running through from one side to the other was pulled out of the pocket of Michael’s hoodie, “Yesterday, he gave me this right before the first panel, and apparently when I fell asleep on the plane, he took my headphones and walkman and threw them in a bag with weed, so when he found me after I ran off yesterday, he was able to calm me down. I don’t know if I would have been able to make it back to the hotel if he hadn’t done that.” Jeremy stared at Michael as if he were some strange, alien life form. Part of him was jealous of Tyler, being so close to Michael and obviously so important to him. Part of him felt bad for not being there for Michael himself. Part of him wonders how he would have handled it differently if he had been more present in Michael’s life in the past few years. “What?” Michael asked, interrupting his thoughts.

Shaking the thoughts away, Jeremy said, “Nothing, just… He sounds like you. Like that’s something you’d do for me, if I needed it. I’m just more okay with crowds and being the center of attention than you are.”

Michael scoffed, “He’s nothing like me. He  _ hates _ being touched by anyone. He doesn’t even do handshakes if he can help it, I usually have to body-block people to keep them from trying, his favorite music genre switches from week to week between Bluegrass and EDM, either way, he’s not allowed to choose playlists for office parties. He’s basically a total mom friend with poor taste.”

That was quite possibly the most absurd combination in preferred music that Jeremy had ever heard, and he doubled over laughing. “Bluegrass and EDM? How…?”

“Right?! It’s totally weird! If you’re going to listen to terrible music, at least keep the genres similar.” Michael was complaining as the car came to a stop, though he didn’t continue as they went into Denny’s. Really? Denny’s? Did people who had better options really actually choose to go to Denny’s? Tyler stood out easily, he was at one of the two tables currently occupied in the diner, and the other had five stoners that had probably been there since, if Jeremy had to guess an exact time, 4:20 in the morning, and Tyler, comparatively, was clean, didn’t reek of weed when you walked past, and was dressed in formalwear. Evidently, Jeremy wasn’t the only one who noticed how strange the scene was, as Michael commented while sliding into the booth opposite Tyler, “You look like you just left a funeral that didn’t serve anything you liked and your only option to eat today was a stop at Denny’s.”

And then Jeremy wasn’t really sure what he was expected to do. Did he sit next to Michael? Did he sit across from him with Tyler? Did he just pull up a chair and sit at the end of the table? Tyler rolled his eyes, easily retorting, “And you look like you just sold your house to travel around the country living out of your van to try out all the different strains of weed.” It was almost painful for Jeremy to watch Michael having such easy banter with someone else, but he knew he shouldn’t complain. Tyler had, evidently, helped Michael a lot in his absence.

“Hey, don’t tempt me.” Michael had shot back, grinning as he pulled Jeremy into the booth with him. Well, that answered that question. “Anyway, I know you’ve technically already met, but Jeremy, this is Tyler, co-founder of M Red and massive pain in my ass, and Tyler, this is-”

“He needs no introduction. I’ve seen enough pictures of his childhood to feel like I’ve known him for years already.” Tyler had interrupted, and damn if that wasn’t an awkward introduction. ‘Hey, we haven’t met, but I’ve seen pictures of you as a kid all over your new boyfriend’s office so I feel like I know you.’ Who said that? With a curt nod, Tyler added, “It’s good to finally have a chance to talk with you.”

Unsure how to respond to that, Jeremy nodded back, attempting to string a coherent thought together in verbal form as he rambled, “Feeling’s mutual. I mean, not that I’ve seen pictures of your childhood just-”

“Hey, relax.” Michael soothed, and really, just the sound of that voice worked wonders on his nerves, “Nobody’s judging here.” Jeremy gave a quiet groan of frustration, more with himself and his own awkwardness than anything, as Michael turned back to Tyler and said, “Thanks again for yesterday, Ty, really. You’re a life saver.”

“I know I am,” Tyler boasted, “Whatever would you do without me? I think I deserve a raise.”

Yeah, Jeremy could see why Michael was so fond of the guy. His wise-cracks nearly rivaled Michael’s own. “Then give yourself one, numbnuts. You’re already CEO, the only one you’d be taking money from is yourself.” Michael snorted, though he seemed to remember something then as he changed gears, “Oh, speaking of raises, uh… You know how we handle all the HR shit?” Jeremy could have died on the spot. He’d known the conversation was coming, but did it have to be in the middle of a Denny’s when he’d just been woken up entirely too early?

Tyler seemed a bit curious as he asked, “Handle it? You mean put it off until the last second when everyone is scrambling and then think about maybe doing something about it before the entire company crashes and burns?”

“Yeah, that.” Michael’s arm found it’s way around Jeremy’s shoulder as he continued, “So I was talking to Jeremy yesterday, and apparently he’s an HR major.” For a moment, Tyler’s expression turned to one of surprise, though it soon shifted to indifference, but if Michael had noticed, he hadn’t indicated it in his tone as he went on, “So I was thinking…”

“Well, moving up here is out of the question.” Tyler replied smoothly in a tone that was difficult for Jeremy to gauge.

“I know, and I mentioned that. He’s going to room with me.” And maybe they should have talked about this first because Jeremy had  _ not _ been prepared to make that declaration just yet. Yes, it was what he wanted, but he would have appreciated some time to wrap his own head around the idea before blabbing it to everyone.

Eyes narrowing in annoyance, Tyler asked lowly, “Are you  _ sure _ that’s a good idea, Michael? I mean, it’s just really soon…”

Soon? What the hell was he talking about soon? If anything, it was  _ late. _ Jeremy had been about to speak when Michael said exactly what he’d been thinking- though with a bit extra added in, “Eighteen years, Tyler. We’ve known each other eighteen years, I knew you, what, three weeks before we got our first shithole dorm room together? At least with Jeremy, I won’t have to worry about walking in on your weird ass making ramen in the nude singing Blue Moon of Kentucky into an ice cream scoop! Have you ever even BEEN to Kentucky? If I brought up an unlabeled map of the US, could you point out where Kentucky is?”

Good old Michael, bringing humor in at just the wrong moment but exactly when Jeremy needed it. Tyler’s face went red, and Jeremy was pretty sure his own was, too, at the image, as he was trying his best not to either laugh or scream at the guy who hissed, “Kentucky isn’t the point! It’s about a broken heart!”

“It’s about you standing naked in the kitchen where my mom could have walked in on you at any second, singing some shitty Bluegrass song from before we were born!” Michael really wasn’t one to talk about appreciating things from before their time, but Jeremy wasn’t going to be the one to tell him that, especially not since he was talking again, “At least Jeremy has the decency to keep his private time in a bedroom with the door closed  _ not _ singing!”

Okay, true, but he didn’t have to bring it up. He wasn’t part of this conversation, and he said as much, “I’m not, uh... really sure I want to be part of this conversation…”

Somehow, the reminder that Jeremy was still present seemed to bring Michael back down a peg as he said, “I know what I want, Tyler, and I can handle myself.”

“Yeah, because you did such a great job of that yesterday.” Tyler shot back with a scoff,  “If I hadn’t gone looking for you, you’d’ve been mugged, kidnapped, maybe killed, who knows. This is New York, anything could happen, especially standing in shady alleys behind convenience stores, and one of these days, I’m not going to look for you, Michael. You’re so convinced you can take care of yourself, maybe I should just  _ let _ you try, but then I’d be fucking myself over because we’re dead without you, but by all means, keep pushing me and my advice away. Keep telling me how wrong I am and see where it gets you. I started this with you because I believed in you, Michael. I believed in your vision and your talent, but mentally, you’re an overgrown child and you need someone looking out for you. You think  _ he’s _ going to do that?” He gestured to Jeremy as he spoke, and Jeremy was about ready to deck the guy, but apparently his rant wasn’t through, “After everything he’s done? Can you even trust him not to drop you at a moment’s notice the second a ‘better’ opportunity walks by? Say what you want about me, but I’ve always had your back, consistently, whether I wanted to or not, and I know you can’t say the same for him. You want to fuck up your personal life, fine, that’s on you, but I’m not letting you drag Red down with you.” Fuck, he was right, too. Jeremy really had no room to complain. He couldn’t trust himself not to hurt Michael again, wasn’t that what he’d just been worrying about? And Michael had his company to run, he couldn’t be wasting all his time and energy worrying about Jeremy. Tyler stood and offered an insincere, ‘great to meet you, Jeremy’ before leaving. They hadn’t even ordered yet. Was this just something they did? Go out to eat and then make a dramatic exit without eating?

Michael, sounding a bit panicked, threw out, “What the hell was that all about?”

“He’s right, Micha.” Jeremy said quietly, not even realizing he was shaking until Michael pulled him in closer against him.

“He’s not. He doesn’t know you, Jer, he only knows what I’ve told him, and to be honest… Most of that hasn’t been the good stuff. I only really ever talked about you when I was high and venting.” While Jeremy appreciated that Michael was trying to make him feel better, it really wasn’t working in the slightest.

“I can’t even trust myself, Michael, and he’s right, I don’t look out for you. Not the way you do for me or he does for you. I should, but I don’t, and honestly, I don’t even know  _ how. _ ” Truly, Jeremy had thought himself at his lowest point of feeling insecure and inferior in high school, just before the Squip, but this? This was an entire new level of that and he had no idea how to handle it. He wanted to treat Michael right and he wanted to be there for him, but maybe that wasn’t what he needed. Maybe it would be better if they both just walked away before things got any harder.

“I don’t need you to, Miah.” Michael’s breath was in his hair, and the softly spoken nickname almost brought Jeremy back to his senses. Almost. “Contrary to popular belief, I  _ can _ take care of myself. Sure, what I did yesterday was stupid, but it’s not like I do anything like that on a regular basis. It was an exception, not the rule.I didn’t feel like I had anywhere else to go. I didn’t want to go back to the con or the hotel because I was afraid I’d run into you-”

Jeremy had to interrupt then, looking pointedly at Michael as he asked, “And if something happened between us again, and we were living together, where would you go?”

Michael wrinkled his nose in thought, “Honestly? As long as we were back home, I’d go to Ty’s or Jenny’s, probably, or my office. I have options there, it’s just being here in an unfamiliar place where I don’t know anyone that’s the problem, and I don’t really plan on making convention appearances a regular deal, so I’m not too worried about it.” Though Jeremy didn’t respond, he really wasn’t convinced by this. If he had so many options, why was Tyler so worried about it? But then Michael asked something that so wholly shocked Jeremy simply by the apparent randomness of it that he blinked and turned to face him properly, “Do you remember my seventh birthday?”

It took Jeremy a moment to sort out which year was which, “Wasn’t that the year your dad…?” He didn’t finish the thought, knowing it was likely still a sore subject for Michael.

“Yeah,” Michael squeaked out before trying again, “Yeah. Two weeks before my birthday, my mom got the folded flag, and my birthday was on a Wednesday, so a school night, and we didn’t have the same teacher that year, so I didn’t get to see you all day. My mom didn’t come out of her room that morning, and the whole day at school, no one even commented about my birthday. I got home, no missed calls from family, and my mom was still locked away in her room, and I was convinced no one had even remembered it was my birthday, and when you’re little like that, birthdays are the most exciting things ever, you know? So I was really upset, and I went up to my room to just cry but not even three minutes into it, you were standing on the front lawn blasting “Gee, I’m a Nerd” by Weird Al and gave me that stupid Magic card for the deck we were going to build before our parents found out the age rating and told us we couldn’t play until we were older.”

Memories of the night flooded back to Jeremy as if it had just happened the day before. “We never did pick it up.” He remembered. They’d wanted to get into Magic: The Gathering at the time because it had sounded right up their alley and might be a way to make new friends, but even after they planned out their deck and bought their first few cards, they never got far enough into it to play.

“We had less expensive interests by the time we were thirteen.” Michael supplied, a certain shine in his eye that Jeremy knew he only got when talking about something he was truly passionate about, and the fact that Jeremy himself was, more or less, the subject of the current conversation that was giving him that reaction meant the world.  “But the gift wasn’t the point. It was the fact that you remembered and you cared and not once that whole night we spent together did you mention my dad, or ask why my mom didn’t come down or when the party was or anything. You just made it about me, and that was really what I needed right then. You do know how to take care of me, Jeremy, and more than that, you do it when I need you most. Sure, maybe not every time I could use a little help, but when I’m really struggling, you’re always there, and that’s what makes it special, that you don’t do it all the time. I can get by on my own for the most part, but I know I can count on you when I need you, and that’s all that matters to me. And you know who’s never heard that story, or any of the others where you came through for me? Tyler. He has no right to judge you like that, and I’m gonna talk to him about it as soon as we’re done with panels for the day, but in the meantime, I just need you to know… I love you, Miah, and I do want you with me, even if Tyler does end up putting his foot down about letting you into M Red.”

There it was again. Michael saying exactly what he needed to hear, when he needed it. How was he ever supposed to be that intuitive about Michael? How was he ever supposed to live up to that? But, he did have a point. He’d somehow managed to do it a handful of times in the past… Maybe it would be okay. Still, he was uncertain. Michael did know what he was offering, Jeremy knew, the man wasn’t stupid. If Tyler didn’t let him work with them, Michael would have to be his entire support system while he job hunted in unfamiliar territory for an indefinite amount of time. “Are you sure?”

“I’ve never been more sure in my life. You’re my best friend, the one who’s been with me the longest, and the only one I’ve ever loved, and I want you with me. You may not trust yourself, but I trust you with my life, Jeremy. No, you’re not perfect. Yes, you’ve made mistakes in the past that have hurt me, and sure, maybe it could happen again, but no one is perfect. We’re all human and we all make mistakes. I forgive you, but I think it’s about time you forgive yourself.” Jeremy’s heart shattered at that, because Michael was absolutely right. No matter how much Michael said he forgave Jeremy, no matter how many times he reassured him that he was fine, that they were fine, Jeremy simply couldn’t forgive himself for his treatment of his then best friend. It was, in part, why Jeremy had allowed himself to lose touch not only with Michael, but with everyone from high school. To let go and start over, just the ‘starting over’ part never happened. Feeling the tears beginning to prick at the corners of his eyes, Jeremy threw his face into Michael’s hoodie, clinging to him as best he could in the stupid booth at stupid Denny’s, and Michael let him, holding him and soothing, “Everything’s gonna work out, Miah, you’ll see.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof. I'm sorry. I really am. Just a few disclaimers here: I don't hate Tyler OR Denny's, but... Denny's has a reputation, we all know this, and Tyler is a good guy who's trying to be a good mom friend to Michael but is just a bit overprotective. He's in mama bear mode and is lashing out at Jeremy because of it. Also, I know "Gee, I'm a Nerd" was never commercially released, I took artistic liberty in implying that it was because it fits them so well. I also considered "Pac-Man" (but decided it was too recently released and as they were kids when the song was played...), "Happy Birthday" (I don't think they would have really gotten the meaning of it at that age and might not really have enjoyed it as much) and "Buy Me a Condo" but "Buy Me a Condo" I was really only looking at because Marley, and I'm not sure how into Marley Michael would have been before pot, and I REALLY didn't want to imply a 7-year-old smoking up. XD So we got "Gee, I'm a Nerd." Of course it had to be Weird Al because this is Michael and Jeremy we're talking about. I mean, what do you honestly expect, Buble? Maybe some Beyonce? That's not them. Nothing against either of those artists, but that's not Michael and Jeremy.
> 
> Additionally, I want to warn you all, for those of you that haven't already noticed and have this bookmarked, that this is now part of a "series" of two works. The other in the series is the events told from Michael's point of view, and I'll be updating that once I get this one up, so be on the lookout for that if you want more. 
> 
> PS: Hilariously enough, while Michael's was the longer one last time, Jeremy's was longer this time, and now their word counts are actually pretty well-matched with both chapters combined, and I'm highly amused by this, and also grateful for it because I really wasn't trying to play favorites with Michael's side being longer, it just happened that way.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael works things out with Tyler and our boyfs decide how they want to handle the public eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be honest... I don't know how Jeremy's chapter got to be longer than Michael's. Michael's has so much more content, but I guess Jeremy's has more introspection and feeling? To be fair, both of them are LONG this time around, but somehow Jeremy's is like 100 words more than Michael's and I was not expecting that. I meant to update this on 4/20 because Michael but... XD I wound up sleeping almost the entire day and then going to work until almost midnight, so I wasn't able to finish. 
> 
> Also, disclaimer, I have never in my life been high on anything, marijuana included. I've never even been more than slightly buzzed on alcohol. Closest I've ever been to being high was anesthesia after surgery. Would I probably benefit from pot? Yes. Is it legal in my area? Not yet. Am I afraid of random drug screenings at work? Yes. Will I be trying it until it's legal on the federal level for that reason? Probably not because I need money more than I need my sanity. Says a lot about the state of the world when you have to choose between those two, but that's neither here nor there, point is, I don't actually KNOW what it feels like, so if anyone who has experienced it has corrections for me, I'm all ears.
> 
> One more thing: There is a homophobic slur used in Michael's chapter (it wasn't mentioned in this one because Jeremy wasn't there for that conversation) but just keep that in mind.

Breakfast was fine, though not much really happened after Tyler left aside from Michael getting visibly more anxious about having to go back, even though he never said anything about it. But worst was when they entered the hall and Michael tried to get Jeremy to let him talk to Tyler alone, saying, “You can go look around if you want. I mean, our panels are pretty repetitive anyway, and there won’t be much for you to do there.”

Jeremy rolled his eyes, frustrated with the fact that Michael still felt like he needed to be protected, like he couldn’t handle himself. Grabbing his boyfriend’s arm, he stopped walking, forcing him to turn and face him, “I don’t care about the panel, I care about  _ you. _ Whatever crawled up Tyler’s ass and died… It’s my fault, and I’m not just going to abandon you like that.”

Michael winced, apparently realizing he’d been caught in his game.  “He’s not going to listen if you’re there. When he gets pissy, he sorta… just starts seeing red, I guess. Tunnel vision. He won’t listen to reason and getting him to calm down is a losing battle until you can completely remove him from the initial cause. He’s probably levelled out some since breakfast, but he’ll go right back up to eleven if he sees you again. I know you want to help and be supportive, and I appreciate that, but I gotta take care of this one myself.” Although he’d been trying to focus on Michael’s words, Jeremy couldn’t help blushing when his cheek was cupped, because honestly? How was he supposed to react? He did care deeply for Michael and he wasn’t ashamed of the new nature of their relationship, nor did he think they were moving too fast, having known each other for so long, but it was still a bit much at times, and he was still having some trouble wrapping his head around the fact that this was how things were going to be. “I’ll be fine, I promise. Just swing by a little before noon and we’ll get lunch and I’ll tell you all about it, deal? It should be under control by then, either through us talking it out or ending up in a cell like last time.”

The last bit startled Jeremy out of his stupor. Last time? Cell? Like jail? What the hell could Michael fucking Mell of all people done to land himself in jail for any reason that wasn’t “illegal” recreational marijuana usage? “Last time?”

The way Michael’s expression changed at the request for clarification made it clear he hadn’t meant to discuss that particular subject, but he responded regardless. “Yeah, it was… We were arguing. I was pushing for discs or cartridges, you know, like older systems have? He wanted to forego that style entirely and have all games be purchased digitally. To ‘modernize’ it. I don’t like how digital copies get locked in to people’s accounts, I think games should have resale value, but he said as a company, it’s smarter to have them locked to accounts so people  _ can’t _ resell so we and the developers profit more. This was back in college when we were first trying to figure things out with how to build the company and the Red One structurally, and we were in one of the student lounges and things got heated and I don’t really remember it all clearly but we started throwing things at each other, anything that wasn’t bolted down, and someone called the cops and next thing I knew we were sitting in… basically a drunk tank for disorderly conduct, assault, and battery plus destruction of property because I’m pretty sure he broke a window with a remote meant to hit me in the face.”

Oh, no, that wasn’t worrying at all. First of all, the image of Michael in a physical fight with  _ anyone _ was unsettling at best. How did this guy manage to piss him off enough for a physical altercation? “How is any of this supposed to convince me to not go over there with you?” He asked skeptically, folding his arms over his chest because he wasn’t budging on this subject.

Michael sighed, then, and tried to convince him by saying, “Because if you  _ do _ come with me, it will for sure escalate. If you don’t, there’s a chance it won’t.” But apparently, he realized he wasn’t getting anywhere with that line of logic because he tried again, “You remember what I said earlier? He doesn’t know you, Miah, but you don’t know him, either. I know both of you, and I know my way around both of you. I lived with him for the better part of three years and have been working with him closer to five. I may not know him as well as I know you, but you just met him yesterday, and not on the best of terms, so please let me handle it?”

Jeremy didn’t want to admit it, but Michael was right. He really didn’t know Tyler all that well, and if he wanted to be the bigger man, he needed to stop pretending he did. Eventually, he lowered his gaze and relented, “Fine. Only because you asked nicely, but… Try not to cause a scene. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Michael smiled and drew Jeremy into a hug, “I won’t. I’ll see you in a few hours.” There was this odd moment where Michael was hugging him for too long, and Jeremy didn’t want to shove him off, but he didn’t understand the hesitation in why he wasn’t just pulling away. Eventually, though, he did, and Jeremy bid him farewell before running his hand back through his hair and looking around. He wandered around the booths, picking up pamphlets on various new games that sounded interesting. Thankfully, he wasn’t left on his own for too long, as the panel itself was only an hour and a half long and they’d gotten there just about half an hour before it was slated to begin, but he couldn’t help worrying about Michael the entire time. What if they started fighting? What if Tyler somehow talked Michael out of being with him?

When he finally approached the M Red booth, Jeremy was silent, looking between the two anxiously, trying to read the mood between them. Michael hadn’t noticed he was there as he was busy tapping away on his laptop, but Tyler did. “Michael seems to think I’ve misjudged you. If I have, I’m sorry. I’m still not entirely convinced that I was wrong, but I hope you’ll prove to me that I was in time.” The delivery of the non-apology was cold and insincere at best, but at least it was an attempt.

Shifting at the awkwardness of the situation he found himself in, Jeremy fished for words, “Well… Pending apology accepted, I guess?”

Michael, who’s attention had been drawn back from his laptop, snorted as he closed the offending item and flashed Jeremy a reassuring smile, “We’re good now, Jer. He’s toned his overprotectiveness down to acceptable mom-friend levels.”

“I resent you referring to me as a mom-friend.” Tyler quipped in the most casual tone, and Jeremy got the distinct impression that this was just how the two spoke to one another.

His theory seemed to have been proven when Michael shot right back, “I resent your taste in music, so I guess that makes us even.” Jeremy had to bite his lip then, because he didn’t know what he expected someone who was into both Bluegrass and EDM would look like, but Tyler certainly did not fit that description. Michael moved to stand beside Jeremy then as he asked, “Are you coming to lunch with us, Ty?” And Jeremy was a bit disappointed then, because he’d been wanting to spend more alone time with Michael, but he knew it would be better to get to know Tyler a little more.

Thankfully, though, Tyler shook his head. “I have budgeting to rework and meetings to plan. You two go have fun.”

Michael groaned, “Ugh. You know this is a weekend, right? And you’re literally on vacation?” Jeremy couldn’t help agreeing with his boyfriend. This didn’t seem like the time or place to be thinking about budgets.

“It’s a working vacation.” Tyler defended easily, but then his attention shifted to Jeremy as he asked, “How soon will you be moving?”

That was an unexpected question. And Tyler was addressing him directly without malice? Attempting to respond to the query, Jeremy stammered, “I, uh… I don’t know? I have to put in my two weeks and pack and my lease isn’t up until-”

But Michael interrupted, “No you don’t.” Jeremy turned toward him, confused, because all of those were obviously things that needed to happen. “You already have a new job, so you don’t need to worry about your resume, the apartment is already fully furnished, it would be cheaper to buy you new clothes than to ship what you have now. Just pack what you can’t live without. I’ll take care of the lease termination fee, I just don’t want to wait that long. I’ll reschedule my flight so we can leave Wednesday. That should be plenty of time to pack and say goodbye to Jersey, right?”

Jeremy didn’t even know where to start with that one. First off, he felt bad taking that kind of money from Michael and would definitely be arguing that point later, but beyond that, he had a job? Since when? Didn’t Tyler shoot that down already? “W-wait, I do?”

As if it were the most obvious thing in the world, Tyler replied, “Hence the budget rework and meetings, but I don’t want to schedule them until I know you’ll be in. I’ll give you until a week from Wednesday to settle in, then you’ll hit the ground running. Fair?”

That was fast. How in the hell had Michael managed to get Tyler to do a complete 180 like that in just the half an hour before the panel started? Realizing he should probably respond in some manner, Jeremy attempted to use words, “I- uh… Yeah, that sounds… Wow. I just really wasn’t expecting that. Thank you, Tyler, that sounds perfect.” 

“Thank Michael, not me. Now if you’ll excuse me.” Tyler shooed them away, and the two started walking, but they didn’t quite manage to leave the hall before Jeremy needed to know what happened.

Grabbing Michael by the arm and turning him toward himself, he demanded, “What?! What happened?”

Michael’s response was a smug grin and a shrug and damn that cocky bastard, “I told you I know my way around him. It was a simple misunderstanding, Miah. He only knew the bad parts of our relationship, not any of the good, so he formed a negative, and objectively incorrect, image of you. I just told him a couple stories of times you were there for me.” The mention of the bad parts of their relationship and memories brought up a question Jeremy realized he probably should have asked earlier on in the trip, and he wasn’t sure if maybe by then it was too late to even ask, but Michael must have noticed the change in his demeanor because he asked in his ever-gentle, compassionate voice, “What?”

Shaking his head, Jeremy said, “Nothing, just… Did… Does he know about…” He pointed to his own head, then, desperately hoping that Michael would catch on without him having to say the name of the device that had ruined his life.

Michael scoffed, “No. I always left that detail out, no matter how high I was I wouldn’t have talked about it. He doesn’t know that the reason I carry the stupid bottle of Red around all the time is the same reason an exorcist carries a cross, he thinks I just find it cool because he knows I’m into retro drinks to begin with. It’s just not something you can tell people about unless they’ve gone through it themselves, not if you expect them to take you seriously.”

Well, it was a relief to know that Michael had not and would not tell Jeremy’s darkest secret, but at the same time, maybe it would be better if Tyler did know? Maybe it would help him better understand what had happened and why, and maybe then he’d come around a little more. He didn’t quite manage to keep the squeak of uncertainty out of his tone as he asked, “Maybe we should tell him? I mean, if you think- if you want to… I just think, like, he knows you well enough by now to believe you, right? And I mean, I have proof.”

“Proof?” Oh, right. Jeremy had forgotten that Michael hadn’t seen him with his shirt off since the incident.

“I can show you later.” He offered, “My dorm-mate noticed when I was changing one day, otherwise I don’t think I ever would have noticed… I have weird scars all down my spine from when it would shock me. You might be able to see some now on the back of my neck, actually.” He turned, offering his back to Michael, who pulled away the hem of Jeremy’s shirt.

“Jesus, Jeremy…” Michael mumbled, coming back around in front of Jeremy and wrapping him up in a tight embrace, “I’m sorry.”

Jeremy wanted to scream. If Michael apologized one more time for Jeremy’s own stupidity, he was going to lose his mind. “It’s not your-”

“I know it’s not, but I could have done more to prevent it.” Like that was his responsibility. No, Jeremy should have been more responsible for his own actions. He should have listened to Michael’s warnings and shouldn’t have forced him to play along.

Changing the subject, he suggested, “Let’s just… Let’s go get food, okay?” He tried, then, to pull away from Michael, but the other didn’t loosen his grip or step away. If anything, he held on tighter. “Micha?” He prompted.

He felt his boyfriend shake his head against his shoulder, “Lost my appetite. I just want to hold you. I want to know you’re safe and here with me now.”

Sweet as the sentiment was, Jeremy knew there would be consequences if he gave in to this request, so he assured him, “I am. I’m right here, and I’m safe, and I promise I’m not going anywhere, but I’m hungry, and you need to eat, too, because you tend to get hangry when you miss meals, and you’ve got more panels to get through later so you need to be suitable for public consumption, so come on.” He tried again to step back, and this time, Michael begrudgingly allowed it.

“I don’t get hangry…” 

God, Michael was pouting and it was probably the cutest thing he’d ever heard. How had he missed realizing his own feelings for him all these years? With an amused snort, he corrected, “You’re literally a walking Snickers commercial. You’re the reason the term ‘hangry’ was invented.”

Michael appeared unamused as he huffed at this, but he didn’t push the issue, and soon enough, they wound up in a Panera. When they were seated, Michael said, “It actually went a lot better than I thought it would. Better than I initially thought it  _ did, _ too. Started off with some stupid petty jab about how I ditched yesterday and when I tried to talk to him he ignored me at first, but I got him to be a bit more receptive at least, but when I stopped talking, I thought for a minute he’d zoned out and was ignoring me again. He wasn’t, though, I think I just kinda shook his world view more than he was prepared for.”

Trying not to give away how badly he wanted to know what exactly the men had talked about, Jeremy tried to be casual as he asked, “Yeah? What’d you tell him about?”

Michael shrugged and said, “I just told him the truth. I told him he didn’t have a clear picture of you, that one bad experience at a shitty time in your life doesn’t overshadow all the good in the twelve years before that, and that you’d suffered enough because of it. Brought up some old memories as examples. The one I mentioned to you earlier about my dad and my birthday, how you were the first person I came out to…”

Jeremy remembered that well, how terrified Michael had been. Before then, he’d never seen Michael more vulnerable, more afraid of anything in his life, and that was including when his father was deployed and later killed. “That was a ride, wasn’t it?” He recalled with a small smile, “You called me sobbing at midnight on a school night in like, what, eighth grade? And I had to wake my parents up to drive me over to see you because I thought something was seriously wrong. No, you’re just gay. Ugh, I was so pissed.”

“How’d you pull that one off, anyway? I mean, your mom wasn’t exactly…” Ah, another subject they always toed around.

Jeremy scoffed and challenged, “A mom?” It was a fair assertion, in his mind. She’d never been much of a mother, always so self-absorbed. Everything was about her image and her wants and anything that didn’t fit with that and comply needed to be gotten rid of, and that included her husband and her own son. Michael shrugged adorably and nodded, like he hadn’t wanted to say it himself, but since Jeremy had, he wasn’t going to disagree. “She was pissed, but more at my dad than at me because he was the one that agreed to take me. I think that was the beginning of the end for them…” Shit, that sounded like he was blaming his parents’ divorce on Michael’s coming out. Quickly, he corrected, “Not that it was your fault! Just, it was when my dad finally started putting his foot down and not rolling over and taking her shit. I was proud of him then, but I don’t think either of us expected for her to actually leave because of it.”

Whatever lightness had been in the air previously was gone as Michael sighed and started playing with his soup, “I always wondered what happened with them. You never really told me what started it all, since it was such a sore subject, and I didn’t want to be the one to bring it up just like you never brought up my dad.”

Jeremy had suspected as much. They knew each other well enough to know when not to ask questions about difficult subjects. “Well, that was it. Dad finally had enough and I remember being so proud of him at the time. I never brought it up because I wanted to see if it would actually change anything or even last, because you know how he can be, and I didn’t want to jinx it, but then… She found someone more willing to submit to her demands and left. Haven’t heard from her since.” His thoughts wandered, then, back to his mother. To how, even though she hadn’t been a great, or even good, mom, she was the only one he had and it hurt to know she didn’t even care enough to make sure he was cared for. He felt a warm weight on his hand, which he realized then had balled into a fist around his napkin on the table.

Loosening his grip on the poor paper product, he listened as Michael said softly, “She doesn’t deserve to talk to either of you. For all his faults, your dad really cares about you. Maybe one day he’ll find someone new, maybe he won’t, but either way, he’s better off without her, and so are you.” He forced a nod, because he knew his boyfriend was trying to help, and it wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate the effort, but somehow, though he knew Michael was being genuine and really believed what he was saying, to Jeremy, they rung hollow, because in his mind, it  _ was _ his fault. Why else wouldn’t she have at least kept in touch with him? Did she even think of him on his birthdays? He certainly never even got so much as a card from her. Michael finally managed to pull him out of it, though, when he changed the subject, asking “What about the patch?”

It took a moment to realize what Michael was talking about. “Patch? The one I gave you? What about it?” He’d given Michael a rainbow flag patch for his hoodie when he’d first come out, but he didn’t see what relevance that had to the current conversation.

“You gave it to me the next day at school, but… I mean, you came over in the middle of the night. How did you have time to run to the store before school? The mall doesn’t even open that early.” Michael clarified, and the wholesome manner in which he asked, how genuinely perplexed he was by something so simple made Jeremy burst out in uncontrollable laughter.

“Michael! Really? You thought-” He shook his head, trying to reign himself back in but  _ god. _ And Michael thought  _ he _ was the oblivious one? “Micha, come on. We’d been friends for eight years before that. Eight  _ years. _ You really think in all that time, spending all our free time together, attached at the hip, I didn’t notice my best friend was gay? You think you  _ surprised _ me when you came out? The only surprise was that it was midnight on a school night. I got you that patch a year before any of that with some of the birthday money you gave me.”

Michael’s jaw just about hit the floor, sending Jeremy into a whole new fit of giggles. “You- how?!”

“No offense, dude, but it was pretty obvious.” Jeremy snorted, “Whenever I’d try to talk to you about girls you would just squirm like it was a physically painful subject. You had more trouble talking about that than talking about your dad. Plus you’re a terrible actor because you couldn’t tell a lie if your life depended on it, and I know  _ all _ of your tells. I just can’t believe that all this time, you thought I’d gone to the mall and gotten that patch before school. It was sitting in a drawer in my desk collecting dust waiting for the day you’d tell me. I knew you would, one day, when you were ready, and I wasn’t going to push you into doing it before then.”

Jeremy’s eyes were squinted from how hard he was laughing, but when Michael squeezed his hand, he forced them to open a bit wider, and the scene that he was met with made him stop almost immediately. Michael was staring at him as if he’d hung the stars for him, his eyes shining almost on the verge of tears, but he was smiling as he said, “And you say you don’t know how to take care of me.”

Managing to crack a half-smile, Jeremy made a show of considering it, “Maybe a little. Not as much as you do for me, though.”

But there was Michael to remind him, “What about that time Dustin was being a dick about it and you got suspended because of me?” 

His annoyance with the situation just as palpable as it had been at the time, Jeremy grumbled, “That was self-defense and they knew it! I shouldn’t have been suspended.”

“You  _ did _ kinda provoke him.”

Rolling his eyes, Jeremy argued, “He started it! He was being a complete prick! All I did was give him a taste of his own medicine and he started attacking me so I fought back. Open and closed self-defense, under no circumstances was I in the wrong!”

Michael chuckled then, “Yes, yes, you were so brave. One might call you my plumber in red overalls.”

Wait, that sounded familiar. Jeremy squinted, considering what Michael was trying to say before asking, “Did you just make ‘knight in shining armor’ a Mario reference?”

“Look at who you’re talking to. Do you really need to ask that question?” Fair point, but it was so unbelievably stupid and so totally  _ Michael _ that both of them broke out in hysterical laughter that, had they been anyone else, he was sure would not have been appropriate. As they finally started to calm down, Michael wiped away a tear he’d shed when laughing and said, “God, I love that laugh. I missed this. I missed you so much.”

Jeremy’s attention had been drawn elsewhere, though, down to their hands on the table, where Michael’s was still over his own and his response came in a much softer voice, “I missed you, too.”

Evidently, Michael had noticed his distraction, because his thumb grazed over the back of Jeremy’s hand as he asked in a hesitant, uncertain manner that was unfitting for Michael, “Is this okay?” Jeremy tore his eyes away, looking around the restaurant. It had really filled up since they came in, and he really didn’t want to have this conversation in such a public place, but… Well, maybe hiding in plain sight was better than trying to find somewhere quieter. “Jer?I know it’s not fun, but we need to talk about boundaries. You gotta tell me what you’re okay with ‘cause… I may not be a total celebrity, but I am still considered a public figure, so some people might know my face. I’ve already had one incident where one our classmates from college posted a video of that time I told you about when Tyler and I were fighting and claimed it was recent, suggesting that we were having a fallout and M Red wouldn’t be around much longer as a result. PR nightmare and we had no one to handle it because we’re still just starting out. Whatever you want is fine with me. If you want to do a conference, we can do that, if you don’t want to make an announcement but not make an effort to hide, sure, if you want to just keep things professional outside of closed doors, that’s fine, too, but you gotta tell me what you want.”

It was sweet that Michael was trying to be so considerate of his feelings, but by the same token, Jeremy almost wished he wouldn’t. It wasn’t just about him, after all. “I just…” He sighed, hanging his head in defeat. He really didn’t want to talk about this.  “I don’t want to screw up your image. You’ve got a good thing going with the company and I don’t want to drag you down or hold you back.”

“I’ll be fine. As long as I’m not attacking anyone, things I say and do in my personal life shouldn’t have any impact on Red.” Michael assured him, though Jeremy wasn’t so sure. The world wasn’t as nice and accepting of a place as it should have been. “But don’t feel pressured to be public about it, either. If you want to keep private life private, there’s nothing wrong with that. I just… I know that’s why you didn’t go into acting with Christine, you didn’t want to be in the public eye to that extent.”

“Alone.” Jeremy blurted out, finishing Michael’s statement under his breath.

Evidently, his boyfriend had heard. “What?”

With a weighted sigh, he corrected, “I didn’t want to be in the public eye to that extent without my Player One. Yeah, I was with Chris at the time, but she was never able to calm me down like you do. You know that feeling when your first hit starts to set in? That slow, creeping calm and the peace and quiet in your head that follows? That’s… I feel like that just knowing you’re there with me. Knowing I can count on you to get me through if things get rough. My rock, my security blanket, my hero, above all, my Player One. I couldn’t take the promise of scrutiny with the uncertainty that you might not always be there. With her, it was like everything was heightened. I got more anxious, I got more wound up, I got hyper-aware of everything at all times, but it’s the opposite with you, in any capacity, and it always has been. I’m still worried I might fuck up, but if you’re there… I know you’ll always have my back. So if you’re okay with it…” He trailed off, there. He’d said his piece, and all of it was true. Christine was wonderful, but he’d never been anywhere near as comfortable with her as he was Michael, and as for being public about their relationship… There was a time it would have bothered him, back in high school. If they had dated back then, things would have been so much different. He was so obsessed with his own image that, in a way, he really started to resemble his mother. Tossing Michael aside to make strangers like him. Was that really any different than she had been? If he didn’t want to end up like her, he needed to break the cycle… He needed to be more  _ like _ Michael. Unashamedly himself no matter who was watching because their opinions didn’t matter as long as he had the ones he loved around him.

“I am,” Michael offered up immediately, and Jeremy had already known that would be his response. He’d known Michael wouldn’t be concerned with how their being in a relationship would impact his social standing because that’s just who he was, who he always had been.

Smiling, Jeremy realized that yes, what he was afraid of, that he’d changed and that Michael wouldn’t want him if he had, was half true. He had changed. He’d grown up a lot, but maybe that was for the better. Maybe that was what had kept them apart in the first place. Though his maturity only went so far as he quoted, “Kiss me like you miss me, Red.”

Jeremy shouldn’t have been surprised when Michael seemed to pick up on the reference immediately by responding, “Well, come here.” His cheeks aching from grinning but incapable of stopping, Jeremy got up and stepped around the table to Michael’s side, and when Michael stood, he launched himself at the other, wrapping his legs around him and kissing him just like Vanessa had done in the movies, but of course, he wasn’t Vanessa, and Michael was  _ definitely _ no Wade Wilson. They toppled down onto the chairs, teeth crashing together and he was faintly aware of something warm and sticky running down his back but he didn’t care. He lifted his face away from Michael’s and laughed at the pure stupidity of the situation, and found his boyfriend doing the same, and for a moment, they were kids again. Before high school, before the social stigmas and need to fit in started to hit them. Just two kids being goofy together and loving every second of it. Eventually, Michael settled enough to say, “I think I need to start working out.”

Jeremy wasn’t sure how he felt about that image. Sure, a buff Michael would be hot, but Michael intentionally working out? That was probably the least Michael activity ever. Rather than comment on that directly, he decided to stick with his geekish theme “Just don’t go with any creepy salesmen to become a superhero, because cool as it’d be to say my hero is a literal superhero… Don’t.” He kissed his boyfriend again, so, so happy to just be able to do that without having to worry about anything else.

When he pulled away, Michael blurted, “I love you, Jeremy.”

It was so unexpected and hit Jeremy so hard because while Michael had spoken about loving Jeremy and loving different things about him, he hadn’t actually directly said those three words, and he hadn’t been expecting just how powerful they were. Face flushed, he tucked his chin in against his chest and replied quietly, “I love you,too, Michael.” Michael squeezed him and it looked like he’d been about to kiss him again when someone behind him cleared their throat. Right. They were still in the middle of a crowded restaurant and had almost certainly made a huge scene. Well, there would be time for kissing later. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who don't know, the "Kiss me like you miss me, Red." is borrowed from the second Deadpool movie. The falling onto the chairs and table bit is borrowed from my own imagination because... You know that's what would happen. Massive dorks. 
> 
> I'm estimating two more chapters for this fic, with the next one being saying goodbye to Jersey/parents and moving in, and the final one being a sort of post-fic slice-of-life, going through daily life and major life events the boys would face. This is just an estimate, though, I could be wrong. I would like, at this time, to ask your opinion on something.
> 
> In the final chapter, do you want to see some NSFW? I wasn't planning on including sexual content in this fic from the start, (then again, I also wasn't planning on it being a multi-chapter or two-sided fic but here we are on chapter 3) but I might do one or two little slice-of-life bits with it if there's interest. Just let me know what you think and we'll see what happens.


	4. Parental Guidance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy and Michael go to talk to their parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof. This got LONG. I will warn you that I didn't include the other members of the Squip Squad. I wouldn't say it was intentional, but it wasn't unintentional, either, if that makes sense. The parents are most important and honestly, at this point, who knows who of the Squad is still even left in the area? Jeremy stayed around and he obviously never ran into any of them, so it stands to reason they've all moved to different corners of the world.
> 
> Another warning: Jeremy says something that I'm expecting will be a bit controversial to some people in regards to LGBT issues. Please note that while not all beliefs expressed by characters are a reflection of my own, in this particular instance, they are. It's explained a bit better in Jeremy's personal thoughts in this chapter than Michael's, and you'll know exactly what I'm talking about when you get to it. I'll go into it more in the end notes, but I did want to warn you about it because, while I wouldn't call it "triggering" material, it could be viewed as offensive due to it's controversial nature.
> 
> Finally, there is mention of nudity in this chapter. XD It's non-explicit but it is mentioned.

The rest of the convention went by without a hitch. Jeremy didn’t spend much of the con time with Michael, as Michael was doing his panels, and, as he’d mentioned, they  _ were _ pretty repetitive, so Jeremy had opted instead to wander the hall and see what else was being displayed. Michael didn’t seem to have a problem with this, and they still did meet up to have meals together and obviously again at night to sleep. On Sunday night, as they were packing to go back to Jeremy’s apartment, Tyler stopped by to tell them they’d gotten a call from a huge developer about cross-platforming, and Michael’s excitement at the prospect was both palpable and contagious. The ride home had been long, and both had been exhausted from the day and gone directly to bed, but come morning, Jeremy woke early to call his boss. He crawled out of bed, and his movement caused Michael to stir and call out to him sleepily, but he smiled and kissed Michael’s cheek, “I gotta call work, just sleep, Micha.” Michael made a soft groan of acknowledgement before the snoring started and Jeremy chuckled quietly to himself before heading out to the kitchen.

He was dreading this phone call, but also the implications that came with it. Leaving his job, especially in this manner where he wasn’t even giving his two weeks, meant that his professional life was now wholly tied to his personal one. If something happened between himself and Michael and he had to leave M Red, he’d have a whole world of trouble trying to find a new job. It was something he hadn’t considered when he first accepted the job offer because, in the moment, it just seemed like the natural thing to do. It felt  _ right. _ But now that he’d had a chance to think about it, Jeremy was having doubts. His boss was understanding enough, and had wished him the best, but Jeremy himself was still concerned about everything. When he finished on the phone, he went to wake Michael again, and after breakfast and showers, they went to his old home to visit with his father… Another thing Jeremy was dreading, but Michael had insisted they get the hard one out of the way first so they wouldn’t have to worry about it as long.

Michael stared up at the house as they approached from the driveway, “God, this brings back memories. You think your dad’s home? I mean, it is a Monday…”

Scoffing, Jeremy corrected, “When I moved off to college, he went right back to where he was after mom left. I haven’t been able to get him to snap back out of it. It’s not like I don’t keep in touch or anything, I think he just feels like his job as a father is done. I’m an adult now, so I don’t need him anymore or something.” It had been a fact he had tried to forget all this time, and because he tried to pretend it wasn’t happening, almost any time he had contact with his father, it was over the phone rather than a physical visit, so he wouldn’t have to see how much the man had deteriorated since their last visit.

“Well, at least it won’t be the first time I’m seeing his junk. Can you imagine? If I were anyone else and you were bringing me home-”

Ending that line of thinking before it could get any worse, Jeremy let out a harsh laugh, “I wouldn’t. I just wouldn’t. That would be mortifying.” It was bad enough that Michael had experienced as much as he had, but, as they had been best friends at the time of the divorce, of course Michael had seen him at his worst. He turned the key in the lock and opened the door, calling hesitantly, “Dad? Are you wearing pants?”

Evidently wanting to make his presence known, Michael chimed in, “When we made our deal, I didn’t mean ‘until college,’ Mr. Heere!”

His father came hurtling down the stairs then in nothing but an open bathrobe, and Jeremy wasn’t surprised, but he  _ was _ disappointed. Pulling the toothbrush that had been dangling between his lips out of his mouth, he asked, “Jeremy? Michael?! What- where did you come from?!”

“In Jeremy’s case, there, presumably.” Michael replied wittily, pointing to the man’s exposed genitals because of course he would. Feeling his face go red, Jeremy turned into the wall and proceeded to lightly tap his forehead against it, trying to remove the entire situation from his brain. Luckily, Michael’s thoughts seemed to be more coherent. “We’ve got a lot to catch up on, so, uh… If you want to go, I dunno, cover yourself? If you don’t have any pants, I’d be happy to go get some for you.”

“I’ll be right back!” Jeremy’s father promised, disappearing back up the stairs.

Jeremy allowed Michael to guide him away from the wall and pull him against his chest. “This is a disaster.” He complained, leaning into Michael’s comforts, “Why did I let you talk me into this?”

Michael kissed his forehead and assured him sweetly, “It’s not that bad. Like I said, nothing I haven’t had etched into my brain already.”

As if the fact that Michael had already been exposed to it somehow made it any better. Jeremy shook his head and, hearing his father’s heavy steps on the stairs, he pulled away from Michael and moved all three of them into the family room, sitting down as Michael started, “So, first off… I don’t know how much you’ve heard. Judging from the fact that even Jeremy didn’t know, I’m thinking probably not much, but I have my own company now out in California, a gaming console and I’ve put out a few indies to go along with it, mostly for promotion. We’re still new to the scene, but we’ve been steadily gaining steam and we’re doing great.” That was an understatement, and Jeremy knew that well. Though the console had only been officially released to the public a few months prior, there were already nearly a hundred games released for it. Some put out by M Red, some by newer indie developers, and some by well-known veterans of the business.

“Well that’s wonderful news, Michael, but… How did the two of you reconnect? Jeremy’s been out of touch with everyone from high school for years now.” Great, the one time his father actually ASKS about his life, Jeremy’s afraid to answer.

He does anyway, of course, because that’s what they came for. “I was,” He started, “But I saw this video about people using social media to sort of help each other find people from their past, and the first person that came to mind for me was Michael. Less than a day later, we’d managed to find each other.”

“Right,” Michael agreed, finishing the story with, “And then I offered to get him a ticket out to Play NYC since I’d been invited to it as a panelist, so we met up there and pretty much picked up right where we left off.”

“You don’t spend fourteen years being someone’s best friend and just lose that connection. Not without help, anyway.” Jeremy added, though his own words hit him harder than intended because he  _ had _ lost it. He’d  _ had _ help and it was miserable at best.

Michael, sweet Michael, squeezed his hand, grounding him back in reality as he said, “No matter how far lost I might seem, I don’t think I could ever be completely out of your reach, Jeremy. I mean, barring death, obviously.”

Forgetting entirely that his father was there, Jeremy smiled at his boyfriend and replied, “Well death better back the fuck off. I’m not letting you go again.”

But then his dad cleared his throat, reminding him he was there, “I may not have been the best father, but I  _ am _ still your father, Jeremy. Watch your tongue.”

Rolling his eyes, Jeremy groaned, “Oh please, I’m an adult, who cares? Besides, it’s nothing you don’t say.”

Michael wasn’t going to let the bickering continue, though, obviously, as he cut in before Jeremy could respond, “Never mind all that right now, we’re here for a reason, right?” Shit, they were, and they hadn’t even talked about how to bring it up. Meeting Michael’s gaze, they had a silent conversation about who would speak first on the matter. One plus of being so close to someone for so long- you didn’t always need to use words. With a nod, Jeremy conceded.

“Dad, I’m… There’s been so much…” He couldn’t do it, and he didn’t even know what exactly it was he was afraid of, which only made him more frustrated.

Michael pulled Jeremy against him, quietly soothing, “Breathe, Miah. You’re okay.”

Jeremy closed his eyes for a moment, allowing the closeness of Michael’s person to bring a wave of calm over him before trying again, “I know you might not see it, ‘cause I don’t come here all that much, but… I’ve been so lonely since college- well, high school, really. Losing touch with all my friends there really put me in a bad place. It shouldn’t be a surprise that the hardest blow was Michael. I’d been so busy with school, I didn’t really realize until after I’d graduated that I hadn’t heard from anyone lately, and by then, I’d lost all of their contact information. It was great being able to catch up with Michael, to see him again, but knowing we’d be going our separate ways again after the weekend, after the con, was bittersweet, and finding out he’d made new friends out there… I was jealous, and I don’t know if that jealousy was more from the fact that he had friends and I didn’t or that he had friends other than me. Either way, we were talking about it and he got upset and walked off. That’s when his co-founder came and talked to me, made me see how much I’d hurt him in the past, how blind I had been. Back then, I thought there was nothing in the world I knew better than Michael. He was the one constant in my life, even when I walked away from him, and I thought I knew him better than he knew himself. I see now that I was stupid and naive to think that. I took him and his feelings for granted and really hurt him because of it. I was self-absorbed and arrogant.”

“Miah, don’t be so hard on yourself.” Michael chided softly, and Jeremy knew Michael didn’t like it when he went off with his negative self-talk like that, but it was all true.

Shaking his head, he said as much, “No, it’s true. I was, and I did hurt you. But… You never gave up on me. Talking to Tyler- the co-founder- he made me realize just how much I’d hurt him, how much I meant to him and, reflecting on that conversation, how much he means to me. So, dad, I’m… I’m moving to California. I’ll stay with Michael and work for him-”

“With.”

Dammit, Michael… Why does he always have to rock the boat? There’s no way Tyler would go for that, why would he even suggest it? “You don’t get to make that call.” He offered a playful smile to his boyfriend before returning his attention to his father, “I’ll be fine. I’ll be in good hands, you know I’ll always be safe if I’m with Michael, but I need to know you’ll be okay, too. You were doing so well for a while there but once I went off to college, it’s like you gave up again and I’m afraid if I go… I don’t know how much worse it’ll get.”

His father wasn’t responding. He was deathly silent and it was putting Jeremy on edge, it was deafening. He could have handled a hate-fueled rant better than the silence, at least then he’d have something to respond to, but this? But just as his anxiety was getting to the point where he was short of breath, Michael broke that silence,  “Do you remember what you asked me when you wanted me to help Jeremy? Before the play? I couldn’t answer directly then. I couldn’t because I was afraid I’d lose him forever if he knew, but I’m ready now. I do love Jeremy, more than anything, and I’d do anything for him. Then, now, and forever. I want him to come be with me but you need to keep your end of the deal up, too. Just because we aren’t always here to make sure you’re sticking to it doesn’t make a difference. I’ll do everything I can to do right by him, and you know I will, but he needs you, too.”

Blinking, Jeremy looked up at Michael, trying to catch his eye, confused by what he’d said. His father had asked Michael if he loved Jeremy before the play? When? Why? But Michael didn’t meet his eye, he was, instead, focused on his father with an intensity Jeremy had never really seen in the man before.

In a heavy, tired manner, the older man sighed, “I know. I know I haven’t been there for you as much as I should have been since high school… It’s just, you moving away from home made it feel so final. The one last thing your mother left behind was gone, and it was just me.”

Being addressed again, Jeremy’s head snapped in his direction as he protested, “But I’m not gone, dad! I’m still here, you can always call me, but you never do. You could have come to visit, but you never did, you just gave up and wallowed in your own pity like you did when she left.” 

“That’s still true,” Michael supplied supportively,  “Even if Jeremy comes out with me to Cali, you can still call any time, come see us any time. I’ve already got a guest room set up for when my mom comes, you wouldn’t even need a hotel, you could leave clothes in the drawers for yourself, I’ll even get you tickets and arrange rides, all you’d have to do is show up. He never left you, and he’s not leaving you now. He’s living his own life, but he still needs you to be a part of it, the same way I need my mom. What’s he supposed to learn from this? His mother was a shit role model, we can all agree on that, but are you doing that much better? Yeah, he’s grown now, and no, he’s not as impressionable as he once was, but letting yourself get so down over what you’ve lost that you don’t even leave the house or even put  _ pants _ on- would you want him to do the same if he had kids of his own? Would you want his kids, your grandkids, to go through this? To see what he’s seen, feel what he’s felt, would you want that for them? He’s an adult now, but he still needs a role model. A parent’s job is never over unless you just walk away entirely like his mom did, and you’ve seen and felt the damage that’s caused.”

“You sound just like your father, Michael.” The words coming from his father’s lips sounded so foreign, as did that breathy, shaky laugh that followed. “He would be proud of you.” That sent Jeremy reeling. He had totally forgotten that their dads had been friends, that they used to hang out when he was with Michael. Michael had always seemed more important, and he’d died so soon after their meeting him time had simply washed those thoughts away.

“You… You remember my dad?” Michael asked, and Jeremy’s heart broke at how frail Michael sounded in that moment. So strong and assured just moments earlier, but the mere mention of his father had reduced him so much. He wondered for a moment if this was how Michael sounded when he was Squipped, but quickly pushed those thoughts aside.

His father nodded with a small smile as he asked, “How could I forget? The two of us would share a six pack and watch you boys play, shooting the breeze. Ultimately, he was the one who made all of this possible. He was the one who set everything into motion. You were your father’s entire world, Michael. He loved you more than anything else, and I wanted so much to be that same strong figure in Jeremy’s life, but it was his last words to me that hit the hardest. Looking back on them, I almost wonder if he was a clairvoyant they were so prescient. He said, ‘I know the risks of what I’m doing, and I wouldn’t be doing it if I didn’t know you’d still be here for our boys. I’ll do everything I can to come back to my family, but if I don’t make it, I need to know you’ll look after them. Keep them safe, and don’t ever let anything come between them, because especially if I don’t make it, Michael will need Jeremy to see him through.’”

Michael was crying, Jeremy was aware of this, and he wanted to comfort him, but now the story had taken on an even more personal aspect because, “The night Michael called me! I thought you were standing up to mom because you were sick of her, but that wasn’t it at all, was it? You were keeping your promise!”

Again, a nod. “I didn’t know what Michael was going through, but if he needed you, you had to be there, on my honor. Your mother objected. She said it was ridiculous. She said the two of you spent too much time together as it was, and calling so late on a school night, waking the whole house up was going too far. That if he needed something, his own mother should have taken care of it. I went against her wishes to honor his father’s, and that’s why she left. There was no winning in that scenario for me. Either I would have broken my word to him or I would have pissed off my wife… And having served myself, I put my honor over minor annoyances. I thought she would have come around, but as you can see, she didn’t. If I object to any of what the two of you are proposing now, I’d be making everything I did then meaningless because I’d be the one coming between you. You boys need each other, anyone can see that, you always have, and I’m glad you’re finally coming to accept that yourself, Jeremy. Go be with Michael, and don’t worry about me. I know as long as the two of you stick together, I’ll never have any reason to worry. But I will be taking you up on your offer, Michael, to come visit you both. You’ll be bankrupt by the end of the year.”

With a watery chuckle, Michael sniffled and wiped his face on the sleeve of his hoodie, “I look forward to it.”

The rest of the day, the three deep-cleaned the house which, in Jeremy’s absence, had come to resemble something you might see on the show Hoarders. Piles of garbage everywhere, messes left untouched, broken things unfixed and left where they were… But as they got into bed when they returned to Jeremy’s apartment, he knew he couldn’t just let the subject go. He rolled to face Michael and asked softly, “Are you okay? I know hearing about your dad…”

“I’m alright, Miah.” It was an unconvincing reassurance, but reassurance all the same, sealed with a quick kiss on the lips, “I wasn’t expecting to be the one who got emotional visiting  _ your _ dad, but… I’m okay. It’s funny, and kinda reassuring, to know that even though he had no way of knowing how we’d end up, the people we would be come, how long our friendship would last, what our relationship would become… He gave us his blessing, didn’t he? He wanted us to be together, and helped make it happen.” Jeremy was silent, knowing Michael wasn’t through even as the other closed his eyes. “I always wondered, you know, how he would have reacted even just to me coming out. If he’d be proud of me, ashamed, indifferent… I hardly remember anything about him, and what little I do remember isn’t enough to piece together an accurate picture.”

Smiling sadly, Jeremy brought his hand up to Michael’s arm, rubbing it soothingly, “Your dad was always our biggest supporter, Michael. Do you remember that Fourth of July I went with you and your parents to Coney Island? There were so many people, and we were so little we couldn’t see, but when he put you up on his shoulders so you could see better, we both got upset because we weren’t together, you remember that?”

That got Michael to crack an eye open as he smiled, “Hell yeah I do. He put you on one shoulder and me on the other and we had to hug over his head to stay on. My mom was freaking out ‘cuz she was convinced we were gonna fall.”

More to the point, Jeremy asked, “Do you remember what he  _ didn’t _ do? He didn’t put us down when she asked, he didn’t pass one of us off for her to hold, he didn’t offer for us to take turns, he didn’t get upset with us for insisting that we be together. He’d be proud of you, Micha, so proud, not just for that, but for everything you’ve done. The play, M Red, all of it. How could anyone ever be anything but proud of you? Pride or envy, and he was too loving to ever be envious.”

Evidently, the words got through to his boyfriend, as he pulled Jeremy against his chest, “You’re so right. Everything he did then, even if I don’t remember much else, there’s no way he could have been anything but proud of me. I… really feel kinda stupid for even thinking otherwise now.” With that, Jeremy was content to let the topic die and go to sleep, even closing his eyes and settling against Michael, but apparently, they weren’t quite through with it as, in a tiny voice, Michael asked, just as he was drifting off, “Jer? Are  _ you _ proud of me?”

The question cut Jeremy to the core because the fact that Michael didn’t inherently  _ know _ the answer to it, the fact he’d had to ask it, meant he’d completely failed as a friend. Sitting up straight in bed to make sure he was fully conscious for his response, he started, “Michael, I’m not proud of you for being gay, I don’t think that’s really something anyone should take pride in. Like, people don’t take pride in being straight, people don’t take pride in their gender- I mean, some people take pride in their race, but that’s barbaric and stupid, why should you be proud of something you were just  _ born _ into? I’m proud of your courage in coming out, though.” He brushed his fingers lovingly through Michael’s hair, and it really was something he believed. Being who you were born to be shouldn’t be something people are proud of. People don’t pride themselves in their ability to breathe, do they? It’s a different story to say you’re proud to be part of a movement, like LGBT activism, to say you’re proud to be trying to grant people their rights in the same way people who worked with Dr. King or sat with Rosa were proud, but simply being gay wasn’t something to be proud of. “If I’d even realized I was bi back then, I know for a fact I wouldn’t have told anyone, except maybe you, but I still would have sworn you to secrecy. I’m proud of how strong you were, taking care of your mom when your dad passed, taking care of me when my mom left. I’m proud of how selfless and loyal you were, saving all of us during the play. It would have been so easy for you to just be bitter and resentful after everything, but you came back and saved the day… And I’m proud of you for your company and your success, too. I never thought to associate Red One and M Red with you, nor did I ever really read any of the articles where your name was mentioned- or if I did, I didn’t put together that it was you they were talking about- but I had  _ heard _ of the console, what it was doing, the waves it’s been making in the industry, the features, and I wanted one- I just didn’t have the room in my apartment or the time to enjoy it, really. Knowing that you were the driving force behind it’s creation and success fills me with overwhelming pride… And knowing that you’re drawing a lot of the inspiration for features you’ve added, content you’re creating for it, from time spent with me makes me a little proud of myself, too, ‘cause that means, in a way, I kinda had a hand in it, too, albeit a minor one. So yes, I am proud of you, Micha. Never doubt that for a second. I’m proud of you, I love you, and I’m so happy to be part of this company and this journey with you. You’ve… God, you’ve done so much for me over the years, Michael. You’ve seen me at my worst and you brought out my best, and through everything, you stood by me and loved me and never asked for anything in return, not even my love. I’m proud, Michael, that I’m the one you wanted. I’m proud that I’m the one you’re choosing to be with, but I don’t understand it. I don’t get  _ why _ you would. I don’t get what you see in me, why you’ve always been so loyal to me, why you’ve always loved me so much. I don’t get why you were happy to reconnect with me. If roles were reversed, if you’d done half the shit to me that I did to you, I don’t care how many times you tried to reach out to me, I would never have responded. I would have pretended I didn’t see it until you gave up… But you wouldn’t have given up, because that’s not who you are. I know you don’t want me to think about it, but I can’t help it. I’m scared, Michael. I’m terrified of fucking something up again and ending up really hurting you  _ again.  _ I couldn’t live with myself if that happened.”

At some point during his rambling, Jeremy had curled himself into a fetal position because the topic really wasn’t an easy one. He  _ was _ scared, terrified, even, but Michael sat up with him and pulled Jeremy against him, kissing the crown of his head. “And I’m the one who holds you on a pedestal?” He asked softly.

That was different and Michael knew it. He  _ had _ to know it. “Maybe I do, but you  _ deserve _ to be there. Your pedestal is earned.” Jeremy mumbled in protest.

This was met with a scoff, “I told you I was going to give up, Jeremy. Your dad is the one who pulled me out of it, and if he hadn’t, who knows where we’d be now? And as for why I want you? Why I chose, and will always continue to choose, you over everything and everyone else? Because you know me better than anyone. You know what I need, you take care of me, you support me. It’s our Two-Player Game, Miah. You do lean on me, a lot, and I’m not denying that, but I lean on you, too. I need you just as much as you need me, if not more, and the older we get, the more that’s true. Life really has become a Two-Player Game for us, and maybe that’s not the norm for everyone, but it’s where we are. Starting out as kids, everything was fresh and new and that made it feel difficult, but as we grew and got used to it, the game started to change. More obstacles, stronger opponents, smarter AI, less resources, so while it  _ felt _ hard in the beginning, it was really just getting started and we didn’t know the rules. If we went back and played through the ‘Kindergarten’ level again, we’d dominate, even on our own, but when we really lived it, it was super tough, just like Apocalypse of the Damned. The first few levels, I can play through on my own now with no issue, but do you remember how long it took, even with the two of us, just to make it past the first level? We don’t get do-overs, though. We don’t get to go back and keep trying, to get 100% completion with the best ending. I wouldn’t have made it this far without my Player Two, there’s no doubt in my mind, and as we keep growing, as more struggles keep popping up, it’s only getting  _ more _ true that I need you. I tried online co-op and it didn’t work as well because Tyler doesn’t know my callouts like you do. He may run my server now, but he’s not my Player Two, and he never will be.” Jeremy chuckled at the concept, at the metaphor, at all of it. It was ridiculous, but it made sense. He shook his head as Michael pulled him closer, “I told you I was thinking about getting a roommate because I’m lonely, and it’s true. I thought maybe being proximally close to someone like I was with you, I might be able to forge a new companionship. They’d never be you, but maybe something almost comparable. I’d already been proven wrong on that front with Tyler, but I had to try something, because going it alone wasn’t working out for me, and I had no way to reach you, or even know if you were still interested in talking to me. You’ll always be my first choice, Jeremy. As my Player Two, as my best friend, as my  _ partner.  _ You may have hurt me in the past, but that doesn’t change what you mean to me, all you’ve done for me. You’re worried about doing it again, but I know that you won’t. I know because your fear of it won’t go away, because I believe in you. I believe in you, I trust you, and because I said that, because I know you’re already worried about it, I know you won’t let it happen again.”

Again, Jeremy shook his head, “You trust me a hell of a lot more than I trust myself, then.”

Michael’s response came as a bit of a surprise, though. “Good. I wouldn’t have it any other way, ‘cause I know you trust me the same way, and I sure as shit don’t trust myself, either.” Well, Jeremy couldn’t argue with that. He settled against Michael, allowing himself to simply be held as he tried his best to get his anxiety back under control. Finally, Michael suggested, “Let’s get some sleep. Still got a big week ahead of us.”

“Mmm,” Jeremy agreed, already half-asleep as the two fell back on the mattress, “Goodnight Player One.”

He barely heard Michael respond, “Goodnight Player Two.” Before falling asleep.

In the morning, the pair went to the Mell house, and Jeremy was experiencing the same nostalgia Michael had at his house. So many fond memories of the place he hadn’t been to in so long. Michael had insisted on surprising his mother, and positioned Jeremy on the edge of the stoop in such a way that when the door opened, he’d be hidden behind it- which would be fine as long as it didn’t swing all the way open and shove him off. Hopefully that wouldn’t happen. Michael rang the bell with possibly the biggest smile Jeremy had ever seen on the man- or anyone else, for that matter- and soon, the door opened. Luckily, due to Mrs. Mell’s gentle nature, it didn’t swing all the way open as he’d feared, and although he could no longer see them, he could hear their conversation through the door. “Michael? You never come unannounced, is everything alright?” She was concerned, worried about her son. It was so easy to see, at times like these, where Michael got his protective, loving nature from.

“More than alright.” Michael assured her, “I was just in town and thought I’d stop by.”

Jeremy had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing because it was  _ such _ an obvious lie, and Michael was such a terrible liar he was sure that even if he hadn’t known it to be a lie, he would have been able to pick it up just from the inflection of his voice. “You know you’re always welcome to, but… What’s the occasion?”

“I wanted to tell you something, but I had to say it in person.” Michael was teasing the truth, dragging it out, and Jeremy could  _ feel _ the radiance of his smile as he said, “I got a boyfriend, mama.”

The woman sounded surprised at the news, but certainly not unhappy about it,  “You got- that’s great, honey! Oh, I’m so proud of you.” There was quiet for a moment, during which Jeremy accurately assumed they were hugging, before she asked, “When do I get to meet him?”

Michael’s foot nudged his, as if Jeremy had even needed the hint. He poked his head around the door sheepishly, “You already did.”

Michael’s poor mother was so taken aback by Jeremy’s presence, she stumbled back into the house, clutching at her heart as her mind struggled to catch up with the situation presented. Finally, she said breathlessly, “Jeremiah Heere, as I live and breathe. You boys…” Shaking her head, she chuckled, “You never change.”

Michael, entirely too proud of himself, agreed, “Nope,” popping the ‘p’ for added effect.

“Some things never do.” Jeremy found himself concurring.

Stepping aside to allow the two inside, she invited, “Well, come on in and tell me what I missed.” It was a pleasant visit, and far less eventful and emotional than the one with his own father had been, but they’d been expecting that. They filled her in on the events of the con and what led up to it, and she made no mention of any hesitancy about Jeremy being Michael’s choice. Made no mention of fears or concerns about him, though he knew she was well aware of how badly he’d hurt Michael in the past. He was grateful she didn’t bring it up, but wondered why… He never got the chance to ask, though. Still, it was a pleasant visit, and she’d sent them off with the promise to see them in California soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where to start? I for sure took some liberties with Mr. Heere and his ex-wife's relationship troubles, but I thought it would be sweet to have that callback to Michael's father, to have their lives be so intertwined without them even being aware of it, and I thought that it helped explain Mr. Heere's obvious emotional turmoil after the divorce. Seeing that it was related to helping Jeremy and Michael makes sense, especially when you consider the Pants Song. He knew Jeremy needed him and he knew Michael was the only one that could do it, and he knew he could count on Michael because even though the boy himself wasn't aware of it, he'd been the one to help him before, and at great cost. You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. It makes sense that his distress is honor-related as it's established from early on in the musical that he was formerly in the service, and although we don't know the reason he no longer serves (retirement, honorable discharge, dishonorable discharge, etc) the values instilled from that time of his life are still very much ingrained in him, and as Michael's father enlisted himself, it would make him feel all the more bound to uphold his word, especially knowing that the man himself had died. He didn't know what the right thing to do was- listen to his wife or be true to his word, and in the end, he went with the latter and wound up losing his wife because of it, so now he constantly questions if he made the right choice and struggles to make any further decisions on his own because he fears the consequences to the point that even going out into the world is overwhelming. Sort of like a PTSD situation. That's my breakdown of why all that makes sense, but I know you all have more questions about a bigger issue.
> 
> What Jeremy said about not being proud of being gay. I KNOW there will be people who disagree and that's fine, but I'm going to explain why I feel this way. I'm a gay-leaning transman myself, and as such, I have great respect for LGBT issues, as I've said countless times, but simply being LGBTQIA+ isn't something to be PROUD of. You're PROUD when you get good grades, you're PROUD when you do a good deed, you're PROUD when you score that promotion you worked so hard for... You're not proud you woke up in the morning. Grateful, maybe, not proud though. You're not proud of your ability to digest food, to breathe, to grow fingernails. Why is being LGBTQIA different? I'm not saying to be ASHAMED, I'm just saying pride isn't the right word. What it comes down to for me is a matter of strict definition. Being proud of a movement, being proud to be part of a community that's making real changes in the world- that's all well and good, those are things to be proud of, but simply BEING LGBT is just being who you are, who you were born to be, going with your natural order, and I don't think that's something to be proud of. Expressing it in the face of adversity, if you want to make that argument, is something to be proud of, the bravery and courage associated with that. I feel the same way about being proud of being LGBT as I feel about the entire concept of "coming out." It shouldn't be a thing. It should be such a normal, acceptable thing that there's no controversy around it, no one will shame you for it, so there's no reason to go out of your way to announce it. Unfortunately, the way our world is right now, you still kinda have to do it so you know who's going to stand with you, who your real friends are and where their loyalties lie, but it shouldn't be that way.
> 
> Yet another Ted Talk from your local Baka, I know. XD Had to be said, though. In other news, for those that know of what I speak, I love you all 3,000. For those who don't... I'm sorry, you don't know what you're missing out on, but I love you 3,000 too.
> 
> I'm still indecisive on whether I should make a bit of the last chapter NSFW or not so I'm looking for opinions. Please, please, tell me if you want to see that or not. As I've said, it's going to be kinda slice-of-lifey so... Yeah.

**Author's Note:**

> My boys are so precious. Can I just say the "roleplaying reality" thing is just SO Michael? It screams "Michael" to me I don't know why. He's just the kind of dork that would do that. Anyway, hope you enjoyed. I might make a second chapter of the same events from Michael's point of view or possibly one of like a preview of what happens when they move in together and actually start going out, but no plans to make this a full-fledged fic, just one or two more possible chapters. If you want to see either or both of those ideas, let me know and I'll consult myself about the issue.


End file.
